


The Things We Fear

by Girl_WithTheDirtyMind



Series: Recover Me [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angry Winchesters, Angst, Begging, Crying, Dean Winchester Bears the Mark of Cain, Demon Dean Being an Asshole, Demon Dean Winchester, Demon!Dean, Drinking, Emotional Baggage, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fear, Flirting, Fluff, Frightening Senarios, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Leviathan Castiel, Leviathans, Mentions of Rape, Past Abuse, Protective Winchesters, Sexual Assault, Sexual Tension, Smut, Threats, Torture, Violence, violent behavior
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-01
Updated: 2015-06-15
Packaged: 2018-03-29 09:04:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 26,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3890464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Girl_WithTheDirtyMind/pseuds/Girl_WithTheDirtyMind
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You (the reader) and Castiel have bonded during your stay at the bunker where Sam and Dean have helped you face your crippling fears, sprouting from a past abusive relationship.</p><p>You will face the ultimate test when Castiel, your rock, sets out to kill Dick Roman solo and makes you promise not to tell the brothers. Will you be able to cope without him? Can you keep your secret, or will it tear apart your relationship with the Winchesters? What will happen to Castiel? What happens to you? :) So many questions!!</p><p>There is a lot of the story line from the show. Dean has the Mark of Cain during the time of the Leviathans.<br/>Part 2 of the three part series Recover Me. Part three is in progress</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Littlest Hunter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Caution*** Winchester hugs and feels ahead!***
> 
> Dean flirts HEAVILY with the reader in parts of this chapter, if that bothers you proceed with caution! 
> 
> Hope you have enjoyed the story so far, thanks for continuing! :)

Somehow you managed to get ahold of yourself and finish your shower, but you could still feel your heart ripping in your chest as you toweled off mechanically.

You would try something new.

Something you’d seen the Winchesters and Castiel do on many occasions when something was eating away at their very souls.

Something called faking it. The plan was to put on your big girl panties, waltz into the main room, and enjoy whatever celebration the brothers had put together for your “graduation” party.

If you needed to cry at all for the temporary loss of your Angel, you would do it on the inside like a winner.

That is until you got to bed that night, then you could cry on the outside until the cows came home, but for now you would fake it to make everyone happy. _Always keep fighting._ That’s what Cas had said, that single phrase spoke to you somehow. . . So you would use it.

Digging through your dresser you paused on a particular yellow sun dress that your mother had worn at your age. You had carried it with you your whole life, under the illusion that it meant she was somehow with you too. While you were happy to see it, you were sure that you’d left it in you trailer in Oregon. . .

There was no way it could be here. Pulling it the rest of the way from the dresser and throwing it on quickly, you scanned the room with a furrowed brow, almost squealing when you spied a familiar fish bowl on the nightstand that contained none other than Joe Pesci.

Your fish from the trailer!

There was a little note next to the bowl and you scurried over to it,

“Hi Joe!” you giggled at the fish, giving him a little wave before plucking the note from the nightstand.

_,_

_I have taken the liberty of retrieving some of your things from your previous residence, with the hopes that it will make you feel more at home. I gathered the things that I believe you would hold most dear, including a beautiful picture of you and your mother and your journal. You will find both of those items inside of the nightstand. I did have to revive Mr. Pesci. He is immortal now. Sorry._

_With Love,_

_Your Angel_

You were laughing out loud at the contents of the note, knowing that the formal quirks within it were all Castiel. Clutching it to your chest you breathed deeply and whispered,

“Thank you Cas.” before folding it neatly and putting it in your diary. You paused to gaze at the picture of you and your mother taken a few months before she passed. It was at a beach, you were both drinking from oversized Pepsi cups with giant smiles on your faces, seeming to have been caught in the middle of laughing.

Everything was so perfect then.

“I wish you could see me now momma,” you whispered wondering if she could hear you wherever she was.

There was a soft knock at the door.

“Uh. . . ?” It was Dean. Your face immediately turned a dark shade of red when you recalled what he had walked in on a while ago.

“Yeah?” your voice came out a higher pitch than normal and he chuckled at the sound through the door. If your face got any redder you were going to get a nosebleed.

The door edged open silently and it took every ounce of will you had not to look away once Dean’s green eyes found you.

“Party’s gonna start without you,” he smirked pausing long enough for you to suffer, “although from the looks of it, you already had a private party for yourself.” Damn him for being so casual about this, the way he was leaning against the door frame with his hands in his pockets made you want to scream.

“Im. . . um,” his eyebrows raised expectantly as you searched for something to say, “ _sorry_?” you finally landed on that word and Dean laughed out loud, throwing his head back like it was the funniest thing he’d heard.

“Oh don’t apologize, it looked like you were enjoying yourself babe.” _oh God if there was ever a time to kill myself it would be now. How humiliating._ You weren’t even comfortable with yourself that way, and to have someone like Dean Winchester see you mid-climax made you embarrassed enough to blow chunks.

You shifted awkwardly on your feet,

“I guess we can take you on dragon cases now?” he was searching your eyes intensely, and you shook your head,

“No. . . That-um. . . Oh my God,” you were flustered, not sure how he could be so comfortable talking to you about this, “that was all we did.” He blinked for a second nodding slowly, and straightened up off of the wall,

“Well then I guess I better do this while I still can,” he crossed the room before you could process what was happening, and you stumbled back into the bed, sitting on it heavily.

“Wha-” the question died when Dean’s strong hand wrapped around the back or your neck and lifted you back onto your feet. You realized what was happening a millisecond before his warm full lips crashed to yours hungerly, and you squealed in surprise.

You stood stock still while his mouth worked yours, trapped by his hand on your neck, but you couldn’t deny that what he was doing felt good.

When he pulled away there was a genuinely satisfied smile on his now-swollen lips,

“Just had to get a taste before Cas formerly calls dibs,” the playful glint in his eye quelled all of your concerns and you actually giggled at him.

“Dean Winchester you’re such an asshole!” you batted at his chest until he released your neck, he was chuckling too, “I think you witnessed the dibs, the non- _verbal_ kind of dibs.”

“Well if that’s what you call having his face between your thighs,” his face took on a mask of seriousness, and you looked at the floor when all you wanted to do was scream, “then I should let you know that I can call dibs better than any man you’ll ever meet.”

Your (e/c) eyes snapped up to Dean’s green ones, and you audibly gasped at the innuendo in his words. Although your heart irreversibly belonged to the Angel, you found yourself rubbing your thighs together at the thought of Dean doing anything like that to you.

It was simply too much.

He glanced down, noticing your attempts to get friction between your thighs, and gestured to your core with raised eyebrows. Then casually as if he was talking about the weather said,

“I can help you out with that,” he gave you a loin melting wink, “I already got a taste of your lips, can’t wait to taste the good stuff.” and he smiled with a devilish smile that showed all of his teeth.

Part of you was surprised at his bluntness, but the other part knew that Dean had to be a smooth talkin’ devil based on his looks and overall confidence with the ladies. What you weren’t prepared for was just how intense he could be when he was firing on all cylinders like this, and when it all happened to be focused right on you.

“Dean leave the poor girl alone you pedo!” Sam’s laughter rang through the room and you let out a huge breath of relief at the change in atmosphere the youngest Winchester brought with him.

With one last smirk to you Dean swiveled on his heel to defend himself,

“Pedo? You’re kidding me!” they were both happier than you’d seen them in a while, “You know that Cas is like a million years older than her right?” you smiled at that,

“That’s different and you know it,” Sam pointed out good naturedly then gestured to you, “why don’t you ask the lady how she feels?” You spoke up then not wanting to bruise Dean’s ego even more,

“I’ll let it slide this time given the fact that he’s a red blooded man, and I’m what you would call. . .” you pondered it for a moment relishing the way the brother’s eyebrows raised identically, “a hot piece of ass.” you finished matter o’ factly with a wide smile.

“Well someone has a confident afterglow,” Dean jeered and nudged your shoulder playfully. “Why don’t we head downstairs and show this girl a good time?” you knew he was talking about the party they set up, but there was no mistaking the innuendo,

“Dean. . .” Sam threw his arm over you and hugged you close to his side, leading you out of the room.

“What?” Dean asked innocently, “I was talking about margaritas, burgers, and Buffy.” he took his place on the other side of you,

“ _Sure_. . .” you rolled your eyes playfully in the protection of Sam’s arm, and Dean glared at you,

“Fine,” he groaned, “I’ll stop, but just so you know my doors always open.” you could tell he meant that and giggled nervously, earning a deep chuckle from Sam.

“Yeah open all the time,” you muttered, “to anyone.” the last part had both men jerking back in full blown laughter, the sound made your stomach flutter with a kind of sentimental feeling.

 _To make you feel more at home. . ._ That’s what Cas’s note said.

_Was this home?_

Up until now you’d considered yourself to be relatively homeless, but there was no end to your stay at the bunker in sight. So could you call it home? You were too nervous to ask Sam and Dean, fearing that it would freak them out so you kept the question in.

There was only one turn in the corridor left before the main room opened up and Sam stopped before you got to it, looking to his brother with an expression you couldn’t quite read. He took his arm off of you,

“Um go ahead ,” he gave a small timid smile and you realized with a start that Sam was nervous. Dean was too, but he was attempting to mask the emotion with narrowed eyes and a straightened posture.

_What the Hell did they do. . ._

You slowly began to round the corner, curious to what lie in the main room, and when you took in the sight before you a gasp burst past your lips.

On the big oak table there were margarita glasses, with a large picture of the peach colored mix behind them. A plate piled high with tiny burgers, a complete unopened box set of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and more jello shots than you’d ever seen in your life.

Also among the fray were two large presents, one messily wrapped and one beautifully wrapped. You could guess which box came from which brother. A huge bowl full of salad rest in the middle of the table, and you guessed that was all Sam, but you appreciated it as much as he did.

As if all of that wasn’t enough, your watering eyes travelled to the banner hung high above your head,

_**Happy Graduation Littlest Hunter** _

When the words registered in your overwhelmed brain, a sob escaped your throat, and you clapped both hands over your mouth while you felt tears building. Happiness was taking over your body so powerfully that it almost hurt, no one had done anything like this for you since your mother died.

_No one had cared this much._

Dean’s voice behind you broke you out of your coma,

“Sam did the salad. . .” his words were drowned out by the roaring of emotion in your head but you caught little snippets, “we both worked on the banner, it’s cheesy I know. . .” then Sam’s voice in the background,

“Dean cooked the burgers, and jello shots were his idea. . . We weren’t sure if you drank that much.”

“, you okay?” Dean’s voice made it clear that your silence was making them nervous, “Sam. . I told you it was too much.” you whirled around and slowly removed your hands still pressed over your mouth, and locked your eyes on both of them.

“Th-thank you so much,” you failed to control the emotional overload in your voice, and Sam moved forward, “F-for all of this. . . I can’t believe you guys did this for me.” When the first fat tear spilled Sam’s arms were around you instantly, you shook and sniveled in his hold.

“What’s the matter sweetheart?” Dean’s body heat registered behind you and he too wrapped his arms around you, effectively sandwiching you between the two hunters.

“Nothing I’m-I’m really _really_ happy!” your tear strained voice was shrill, “no one has ever done anything like this for me-thank you so much. Oh God just thank you.” you were ruining Sam’s shirt with your tears, and you felt both brothers rumble against you with odd protective sounds coming from deep in their chests.

Dean’s cheek rested against the back of your head and Sam’s came down on the top of it.

They held you there until your tears slowed, enveloping you in warmth, protection, and something else. . . Could it be love?

_No, I couldn’t be that lucky. Castiel was the first person to love me since mom died, I can't be gifted with two more people who actually care for me that much. Could I?_

There was an undeniable feeling in the air, tangible enough to give you goosebumps, it was blissful really. Dean was the first to pull back, kissing the top of your head as he straightened. Sam followed suit, copying his brother with a kiss of his own to your forehead,

“Are you alright?” Sam asked concerned, “We didn’t mean to make you cry.” you shook your head and laughed at your emotional outburst,

“No these are happy tears,” you giggled openly, while wiping at your face with the palms of your hands, “I can’t remember the last time I’ve been this happy.” Sam gave you a wide smile, and squeezed your shoulder tenderly,

“You deserve it,” he said it so nonchalantly but the simple sentence almost crushed you. I deserve this? How could I be this lucky?

“No, no,” you backed away so you could look at both of the Winchesters, “I got lucky.” when you said it Dean’s eyes crinkled down at you like he was confused,

“I am so lucky that I met you guys. . . I could be back in Oregon, rotting away in my crappy trailer, waiting for Jason to come find me.” their gazes hardened at the mention of your abusive ex, “but-but instead I get to watch my favorite tv show with two of my favorite people in the world, during a party that was thrown for me.”

You looked to the table and let another tear trickle down your cheek,

“I could have never foreseen this.” And that was true the pure luck that had to of occurred for you to meet these boys was biblical.

“Hey I know this is your party, but I’m hereby invoking the rule that you can’t cry if you want to,” Dean piped up after a moment, “In fact, no crying from here on out sister. Deal?”

A smile broke across his face that was contagious, and had you and Sam smiling instantly,

“Deal.” you confirmed and then before you could change your mind you said the words, “I love you guys.” Both brothers looked at eachother like they weren’t sure what to say, and you giggled,

“I’m guessing that’s not a word you two throw around a lot, huh?” Sam was the first to speak and Dean was studying him with a hilarious kind of intensity,

“No. . .” he started, “but we um- we. . .” Dean’s eyebrows raised with yours, as Sam tried to figure out how to say it, “we love you too .”

“Wow that looked difficult for you,” you teased and he shook his head, face reddening,

“It’s just not something we say a lot. It’s true though, you’ve brought a lot of feeling to the bunker. We needed that. . .” he assured you,

“You wouldn’t believe what your little giggle does for our moods-ever since the first night here.” you looked to Dean, who cleared his throat.

You almost gasped when you saw his eyes, shining with wetness.

“Dean. . .?” he turned to the table so his face was out of view, and said loudly,

“Who’s up for some drinks?” deciding to let him save face, you bounded to the table yelling,

“Me!” A glass filled with peach margarita was shoved into your hand, and you looked up to Dean who was cracking a beer. “Too manly to drink a margarita with me, huh?” you jutted your lower lip out at him, and batted your eyelashes innocently,

“Ahh no sweetheart, Sammy and me don’t drink your fufu girly crap.” he said gruffly, signaling a short laugh from behind you,

“Whatever Dean!” Sam piped up, “ _Purple Nurples_?” Dean narrowed his eyes at his younger brother and you took the opportunity while you had it,

“Pretty _please_ Dean?” you did your best impression of a disappointed little girl, even swaying back and forth on your feet slightly, “I can’t drink that whole picture alone. . .” after a long beat of silence in which you could practically feel the daggers from Dean’s glare slicing into you he slammed his beer on the table and yelled,

“Fine!” grumbling incoherent curses at you while he grudgingly poured his drink,

“Dean Winchester has a weakness?” you gasped dramatically, “and it’s puppy dog eyes no less?”

“Can it princess,” he clinked his glass with yours and handed one to Sam over your shoulder, “I’m this close to changing my mind.” he took a sip, making a show of pouting when something suddenly occurred to him,

“Presents!” he snapped his fingers and strolled around the table looking giddy as ever. Sam’s breath on your ear startled you slightly,

“Don’t let him fool you ,” you could hear the smile in his voice, “you’ve got him wrapped around your finger.” you looked up at Sam when he straightened and he sent you a wink, that had you smiling so big your face hurt.

“Well he’s not the only one drinking a _fufu_ drink Mr. Winchester,” you pointed out to the big man,

“Touche.” he shrugged, and your belly felt warm again with that unfamiliar feeling, like you had just got done swallowing happy clouds and rolling in a patch of puppies. Dean rounded the table with a shit eating grin on his face and the two huge boxes you saw earlier,

“Pick one,” he was looking at you expectantly,

“Um. . . Sam’s?” he thrusted the perfectly wrapped one at you,

“That’s my girl, save the best for last.” Sam snorted at that,

“Shut up, dude.” You tore through the wrapping paper like a toddler on Christmas, and couldn’t help but think how long it had been since you’d actually gotten a gift from someone. Too long. . .

There were three items in the box and you were floored at the expense.

One MAC laptop with a note that read for research on it, a brand new thick leather bound journal, and an iPhone.

“Sam. . . Oh my God. . .” you looked at him wide-eyed, “this must have been so expensive. . . I-” he cut you off with a wave,

“Not that big of a deal, when it’s not my money.” you threw yourself into his arms, clutching his flannel and smothering your face into his chest,

“Thank you,” you could tell Dean was growing impatient,

“Hurry up, open mine!” you obliged and inside there was a sturdy leather jacket, a small handgun along side a pump action shotgun, and a flask that had the phrase _"ex boyfriend tears"_ engraved across the front.

You gripped the flask open mouthed re-reading the phrase over and over again, then finally when you were sure you had some composure you looked up at Dean.

“It seemed. . .perfect when I saw it I had to get it for you,” he looked nervous that he’d overstepped his bounds, but you pulled it into your chest and clutched it for dear life. It was the best thing he could have ever gotten you,

“I. . .I-um,” it was like Dean could sense the waterworks coming, because he closed the distance to you without hesitation and wrapped you up in a strong hug, “th-thank you.” your voice was high and shook with the threat of tears, but you managed to keep them at bay, because a deal's a deal.

“Love you too princess,” it was like he connected the final piece of your heart.

Castiel had told you he loved you, Sam had told you in his own awkward way, and finally Dean who allowed it to spill out on impulse when it felt right for him. You had all you needed then.

To be loved again.

***

The night was high spirited, filled to the brim with Dean teasing you goodheartedly, and and more alcohol than your 18 year old body had ever ingested. There was classic rock music blaring throughout the bunker, making you feel giddy and free.

Sam reprimanded Dean for pumping you so full of jello shots and margarita mix, but it didn’t stop him. In no time the room seemed to be spinning, but you didn’t have a care in the world.

“Somebody’s a lightweight,” Dean chuckled when you spent the last 20 minutes hoping up and down trying to touch the banner yelling,

“See? You’re not special Sam, I can touch it too!” at a confused Sam Winchester, who was merely reaching up to touch the banner effortlessly. No tip toes or anything.

“Shut it Dean, I’ll beat you up. . .” you warned playfully earning you a sharp swat on the ass, making you squeal at the sting and scramble away to hide behind Sam,

“Yeah that’s what I thought,” he grumbled with a cocky grin, “go run and hide behind Sammy.” you took Sam’s hand with your free one that wasn't rubbing your backside,

“I’m not hiding. . .” Sam looked down at you questioningly, “we’re dancing!” Dean laughed out loud at the look on his brother’s face,

“Yeah okay have fun walking on broken feet for the next couple weeks,” Sam snorted at that,

“Whatever dude, I can dance!” and with that he took your hand and spun you away from him, only to pull you back at the very end into his chest.

He did this to the beat of Joan Jett’s Cherry Bomb, until he surprised you by lifting you in the air, rolling you over his shoulder, and swinging you under his arm back to the front again, ignoring your surprised screaming all the while.

When the song ended your chest was heaving with exertion, and you nodded wide-eyed,

“Yeah Dean, he can dance.” you breathed, and high fived Sam enthusiastically.

“Oh please,” Dean complained and rose from his chair, “you call that dancing?” he stalked over to you and roughly pushed Sam out of the way, just as (your favorite song) filled the speakers. Dean spun you swiftly so your back was to him, and pulled you hard into his chest.

Before you could react he was rocking you tenderly from behind and you melted into him, flipping your hair to one side so you could look up at his face. He had his eyes closed while he moved his strong hands to your hips, and coaxed them into a slow back and forth motion.

The alcohol must have been clouding your judgement more than you thought because a fire ignited in your belly, and you tested the waters by pushing your ass out gently into him.

An answering rumble in his chest shot straight through your body, and his eyes snapped open revealing darkened green irises that were full of warning.

“Don’t play with me sweetheart,” he whispered in your ear, and that voice alone made your knees go weak. The music cut and you snapped out of your haze, pulling away from the intense man.

Sam jerked Dean away from you and they both burst into laughter,

“Okay I think that’s enough “dancing” for tonight.” Sam’s use of air quotes made you laugh as well, if Dean was any other guy you would be worried about his advances, but you knew Dean was just naturally flirty.

He could hardly contain himself.

So you let it go, suspecting his emotions were heightened with the Mark of Cain on his arm anyway. Nothing would ever happen between you two, Cas already had your heart.

Nothing could change that.

You suddenly wished Castiel was here to enjoy your party. . . Sam and Dean must have noticed your change in mood, because Dean gripped your shoulder,

“Hey you know I’m just playing right? You never have to do anything you don’t want to do here.” your eyes widened at his concern with where your thoughts lie, but for once you weren't afraid for yourself at all.

It was fear for someone else. That was odd,

“No no Dean, I was just wishing Cas was here is all,” you assured him and his expression changed from worried to taunting in a second,

“Yeah I bet you do,” Sam snorted at his brother and then wondered aloud,

“Hey where _is_ Cas?” he looked around like the Angel would appear at his words, “you’d think he would be here. . .” your palms instantly started sweating, and you shifted awkwardly. You recalled your conversation with the Angel in question.

_“I do not plan on informing the Winchesters of my mission. I trust you will agree to keep this between you and I.” the way he was looking at you, eyes wide and full of hope, there was no way in Hell you would go against anything he asked. So you nodded. And just like that you had a secret to keep._

“Oh h-he said that he um. . . Had some stuff to take care of!” the brothers looked startled by your sudden raise in volume and you mentally kicked yourself for being such a terrible liar. Sam looked at you skeptically. Oh God here we go.

“Okay,” when that was all he said you could have collapsed with relief.

“Yeah so. . . let’s go watch Buffy!” you squeezed by them and grabbed the box set, making a beeline to the tv room, feeling their gazes burning holes through your back.

**Winchester P.O.V**

“Did that seem weird to you?” Dean asked after the girl had practically sprinted out of the room. Sam snorted with a grin,

“What the way you were grinding on her?” he asked sarcastically,

“No, the way she got all flighty about Cas a second ago. . .” Dean was unfazed by his brothers taunting, too focused on ‘s odd behavior. Sam shrugged and cracked open a beer, handing it to Dean,

“I don’t know man, she’s probably still embarrassed that you walked in on them, you know?” that could be it, but something seemed really off,

“So you _didn’t_ think that was strange,” Dean looked at Sam flatly and finally got the reaction he was looking for,

“Fine! It was a little weird. Are you happy?” he was huffing and Dean couldn’t help but smirk at how easily worked up Sam got, “I mean-what? You think she’s _keeping_ something from us?”

“That’s exactly what I think, and it’s exactly what _you_ think.” Dean pointed out.

“Alright but before we outright accuse her of anything, let’s be smart about this.” Sam grumbled, hating that his older brother could be so blunt about these things.

 was already curled up in a blanket, waiting to press play on Buffy by the time Sam and Dean made it to the tv room. Dean tossed her the new flask, that he’d just shown her how to fill with whiskey, despite her whining about how whiskey burned too much to drink.

About 20 badass vampire kills and countless witty remarks later, had slumped over into a deep sleep with her head resting in Sam’s lap and her legs stretched across Dean.

Eventually both brothers fell asleep on the couch that way as well, each of them exactly where they wanted to be.

****

Dean posed the question over breakfast that morning, even though he knew he was in no mood to be lied to. Eyes red rimmed and body aching from the sleeping position of last night he was walking a thin line, he could tell Sam was too.

 however seemed completely fine, her young body fighting off a hangover despite the level of drunkenness she’d gotten to last night.

“So you have no ideas about where Cas zapped off to?” he noted the slight twitch in her body, and the way her face reddened over her bowl of cereal so he continued, “Like he didn’t mention anything about why he’d miss your party?” the brothers could tell something was bouncing around in that head of hers but her answer only irritated Dean,

“Um. . .No-no I have no clue what he’s doing.” _Lie._  was so bad at lying, it was something they would have to work on later.

Sam cut in,

“And you’re not upset at all that he disappeared and left you hanging after you guys. . .you know,” her (e/c) eyes looked at the brothers then, clearly a little panicky.

So Dean pushed,

“I mean I’ve done that to chick’s before, and let me tell ya sugar. . . It ain’t because I _like_ em.” that was harsh, but Dean was trying to get a rise out of the girl. From the look on her face, it was working.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” she whispered pretending to focus on the cheerios floating around in the honey colored milk again,

“Then why don’t you fill us in?” Sam pushed,

“Cas isn’t like that,” she insisted fidgeting on the wooden chair, “he just had some other stuff to take care of.”

“Like?” Dean’s voice was hard and it earned him her full attention, she looked nervous and conflicted.

“I told you I don’t know. . .” she murmured at him, Sam tried to smooth it out a little,

“We won’t be mad at you for keeping it from us, we just want to know what’s going on.” her eyes flashed from Dean’s back to Sam’s multiple times,

“Last chance ,” Dean warned and she looked to be in a full on panic now, the silence was deafening while they watched her weigh her options.

“I told you,” her voice was quivering a hair, “I don’t-”

“Son of a bitch!” Dean slammed his hand down on the table spilling ‘s cereal and startling the girl enough to make her yelp.

Sam didn’t move to stop him when he stood abruptly, knocking his chair over hard behind him. ‘s eyes were the size of saucers as she tracked Dean, making his way around the table over to her curled in the big chair.

“Dean. . .” she sounded scared as he got closer to her, and the fact that she instinctively wrapped an arm around her knees didn't go unnoticed by Dean.

It was a postion of hers that the Winchesters had come to know as her natural defense.

She was already thinking about protecting herself.

He tried to control his anger when he recognized these things, but was finding it hard to get a grip and the Mark was searing his skin. He took a large breath and stopped in front of the girl, squatting down to make himself look less intimidating for her benefit.

He didn’t want to lose her trust after all, especially after last night.

“Okay ,” he started his voice low, but thinly veiling the anger that was just one more lie away from surfacing. He gripped the legs of her chair and pulled the entire thing across the floor. She was whimpering now, clearly frightened by his familiar mannerisms.

“I’m gonna ask you one more time, just one more time and I want you to tell me the truth.” she opened her mouth, but he held up his hand for silence.

She obliged.

“Now I know your first impulse is going to be to lie to me again, but I am telling you right now,” he stared into her big apprehensive eyes with as much warning as he could manage,

“You do not want to do that again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh-oh. Will you be able to keep Castiel's secret or will it destroy your relationship with the brothers?
> 
> Comments and Suggestions always welcome! Hope you enjoyed :)
> 
> Also Winchesters take you hunting next chapter F.Y.I :)


	2. Where Keeping Secrets Leads

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Dean take you for your first hunt, and it does not turn out like you'd hoped. You find out the shocking truth about Castiel's plans. . . This chapter takes a hard left turn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I had to get a little creative with the plot, because when I first started writing this series I forgot that Leviathian!Cas happens before Dick Roman in the story line. . . I simply NEEDED to write in Leviathan!Cas so stick with me! I think it makes sense, but it by no means honors the original story line. 
> 
> Also! There is a lot of heartbreak and low self esteem evident in the reader in the end of this chapter. . . If emotional devastation or betrayal is a trigger for you, please proceed with caution. This fic deals with past abuse! 
> 
> ALL that being said, enjoy! :) Thanks for continuing!

Trapped in the chair by Dean’s crouching form, rendered you unable to run like your body was telling you to.

It was clear that Dean and Sam had cut you all of the slack they had during their morning hangovers, and you knew you had to come up with something to say.

Lying didn’t seem like an option since the brothers seemed to be able to read you like a book anyhow, but the thought of telling the truth and betraying Castiel was ripping at your heart strings.

Dean was frighteningly calm while he watched your mental debate, and you didn’t dare take your eyes off of him. Your mouth was open wide like it was trying to form the words that you couldn’t say yet.

Nothing would come out.

“,” Dean prompted, “Where is Cas?” slowly, not trusting your words, you shook your head at him.

Dean sighed heavily and dropped his head, scrubbing a hand over his entire face like you’d seen him do when he’d had it with everyone’s crap. Then still looking at the ground he broke the heavy silence with a humorless laugh,

“Well Sammy we haven’t used the dungeon in a while anyways,” you stiffened completely in the chair and swallowed audibly, “I’m kidding , relax.” even the way he reassured you was mildly threatening,

“I can’t tell you what I don’t know, and I’m telling you both I don’t know where Cas is!” you were yelling now, but you didn’t give a damn.

Anger was settling into your bones,

“How dare you try to intimidate me like this. . . _Both_ of you!” you looked over at Sam who looked away just as quickly, then turned your gaze back to the man in front of you,

“If you needed to know anything I would tell you!” you screamed planting your feet on the floor and pushing away from Dean so you could stand.

Only when you looked back at Sam did you realize what you’d said. The room was quiet again, quiet enough that it felt thick in your ears.

“Listen I don’t know what he told you, but Cas has been gettin’ into some shady shit as of late. So if you know anything, you need to tell us.” You chanced a look at Dean when he spoke,

“Shady stuff?” you asked, “Like-like what?” Dean’s stare softened a bit, but he was still blunt with his answer.

“Like consorting with demons shady. . . The King of Hell. At least we think so.”

_King of Hell? No. . . No Cas wouldn’t do that. Not my Cas, right?_

You looked back and forth between Sam and Dean, shaking your head, still not sure who to side with.

The Angel or the Hunters. _How did my life get this crazy?_

You swore that you could feel the exact second when both brothers stopped trusting you, and the feeling almost broke your soul. You felt Dean brush past you from behind, you watched him march out of the dining room. Sam’s chair made a loud dragging noise across the stone floor,

“Sam-” he cut you off with one look, but you refused to let him shut you out. “Sam please, I’m sorry. . .” you were following him out of the room like a lost puppy, feeling your heart crack with every step he took.

“Sam!” you plead at his back, and he finally spun to face you,

“When you decide you really want to be a part of this, you’ll come see me. Until then. . .” he stopped speaking again with a curt shake of his head and turned away from you. Leaving you completely alone in the hallway.

The stone floor was cold on your bare feet, almost as cold as abandonment felt. You were angry, too angry to feel the sadness just yet.  _How could Cas expect me to keep anything from them? What he just thinks he can lay that on me and then zap off to God knows where without a care in the world?_

“You hear that Cas?” you said aloud, “You can’t expect me to throw away everything I’ve gained for this one little secret!” it was just a secret after all, right? The hallway was silent, Castiel wouldn't answer you.

Shaking your head, you tried to imagine your Angel that you’d come to love doing anything to jeopardize your safety.

You couldn’t picture it. As far as you were concerned he really did care about you, so whatever he was getting into had to be an accident. Sweet, sincere, _painfully_ literal Castiel would never work with demons. Sam and Dean had gotten their facts wrong.

_How can I be sure. . .? I need to tell them what I know._

As much as it hurt, you knew it was true. They could help him with anything he needed as long as they didn’t get hurt in the process. You couldn’t let them get hurt either.

It was like someone was pulling you apart from every direction, you just hoped you could make it out in one piece. So with your mind still in a battle you marched down the hallway, and rounded the corner to the bedrooms only to crash into a wall of plaid covered muscle on the turn.

Sam and Dean looked down at you with narrowed eyes, they seemed to have been in the midst of an argument.

“I’ll talk,” you said plainly before you could stop yourself. Dean grunted and crossed his arms, you looked to your feet. “Castiel said that the situation with Dick Roman was getting out of hand, so he was gonna go take care of it. Put a stop to him once and for all.” _Or something super manly and ominous like that._

“You’re kidding me!” Dean went from suspicious to fuming instantly, how he could flip a switch like that was truly amazing, “And you didn’t think to tell us _immediately_?”

“I didn’t think it was that big of a deal!” you defended. The eldest brother only scoffed at your naivety,

“Sam get your gear,” he practically groaned, “I guess this Dick thing will have to happen prematurely.” _Okay relax. Now isn’t the time to shine light on the hilarious Dick innuendos you’d been hearing recently._

Dean looked at you hard and you wondered if you said that out loud,

“You know what, you pack up too .” you gaped at him, and you could feel Sam starting to protest. “No she should see for herself where keeping secrets leads. You got ten minutes and we’re out of here.” his tone brooked no argument, and your stomach dropped as you watched him walk away.

“Sam I really am sorry about this, I didn’t want to betray him.” The big man cleared his throat, patted your shoulder softly, and gave the fakest smile you’d ever seen,

“I knew you would come clean eventually, now we just need to do what we do best.” he swallowed thickly,

“And what’s that?” his mannerisms were worrying you, he looked nervous,

“Show up, kick ass, and try not to die.” you would have laughed if the prospect of dying wasn’t so solid in your mind. Sam nudged you toward your room, “Better hurry, you only got seven minutes now.”

******An hour and Seven Minutes Later******

“You’re wearing a dress.” Dean stated after about an hour in the Impala.

It had been silent up to this point and you wondered when he would say something about your clothing choice.

“Well if you would have given me more than 10 minutes to get ready, I wouldn’t have forgotten to change.” you retorted coolly, admittedly slightly embarrassed about your lack of clothes.

A moment of staring out the window and projecting as much hate onto Dean as you possibly could muster, proved to be uncomfortable for Sam so he spoke,

“Was it your mother’s?” that question pulled the rug out from under you, and you even saw Dean shift in the driver’s seat.

“Um yeah it was,” you mumbled, “I just forgot to take it off from last night.” you repeated, but honestly with all of this fear and conflict surrounding you the dress was a comfort.

It even still smelled like her, which is part of the reason you never wore it out, you were afraid the smell would fade and then you would have nothing but a picture to remember her by.

“I just saw her wearing it in the picture Cas brought you,” he paused and the corners of his mouth turned up, “also I went through your room. Sorry.” a snicker actually burst from your lips,

“It’s okay, I was expecting _one_ of you to do it.” that was true, for all they knew you could have been some sort of supernatural double agent. “As long as you didn’t read my diary.”

“Why you write about me in there sweetcheeks?” wow Dean was quick to pounce on that one.

“Yeah every page,” you said sarcastically, and hoped that his teasing meant that he’d forgiven you for lying to him. “So. . .”

“What’s up?” . . . .**

 

You asked about a plan, and Sam had happily filled you in on all things regarding Leviathan. What kills them, what slows them down, and that they were basically the meanest sons a bitches in the Valley.  _Great._  After all of the explaining and monster education, he was on to the topic of Castiel's "shady business" as Dean labeled it earlier.

 

**. . . .“Worst case scenario is that Cas absorbs the Leviathan, like he did before, and takes a first class flight to Purgatory.” So much of that sentence was confusing,

“Like he did before?” you asked that question first. Sam nodded,

“Thousands of Leviathan straight from Purgatory possessed his vessel, and eventually he couldn’t hold them in anymore. . . He basically exploded setting the Leviathan free to walk the earth.”

“Castiel is the cause of all of this?” you breathed the question feeling a pang of guilt for even saying it aloud, and Sam nodded sadly.

Dean piped up,

“If he’s Hell bent on making up for his screw up, he’ll take every last one of them back to Purgatory. Including himself. . . It’s a suicide mission.” He finished running a hand through his thick hair.

“But. . .” Sam interjected again, “Cas going to Purgatory isn’t exactly _worst_ case scenario,” he looked levelly at Dean who just stared out the windshield, “last time his vessel was occupied by Leviathan, Cas turned into a monster himself.”

Your audible gulp was the only comment you could manage so Sam continued,

“Let’s just hope you don’t have to see that ,” his warm hand on yours was only a minor comfort and you tried to cover your despair with humor,

“Well I sure know how to pick em huh guys?” you even managed an emotionless laugh, Dean found your eyes,

“That’s the thing, if he cares about you as much as we think he does then. . .” he trailed off and Sam smiled softly like he was in his own little world for a moment,

“Love trumps everything,” he murmured, and the car was silent. Not even Dean made a joke out of it, so you took each of their hands in yours and squeezed before sitting back in your seat and saying,

“Alright lets catch us a Cas.”

********

Out in a rundown warehouse parking lot you rounded the Impala and immediately had a machete shoved into your hands that looked longer than your arms,

“Carry that. . . and pocket this” Dean held a flask in his hand that was no doubt filled with Borax, and inspected your outfit seeming to realize that your mother’s dress lacked pockets.

“I could carry that too?” you suggested meekly,

“No you need at least one free hand to fight with. . . Ah to hell with it,” and before you could protest Dean bent forward and lifted the hem of your dress all the way up to your red lace panties.

A moment of sheer panic crashed through you, it took a lot of concentration to remind yourself this was only Dean, that he wasn’t attacking you. He just simply wasn’t thinking for a second.

Still you couldn’t help reacting nervously,

“Hey,Dean- _wait_!” you squeaked and bumped into the side of the trunk when you tried to move back from him on your tiptoes.

He just pinned you to the Impala and held the dress up easily with his free forearm which your fingers latched onto rigidly,

“Oh relax sweet cheeks you ain’t got anything I haven’t seen before,” despite your squirming Dean was still able to unceremoniously hook the flask into the band of your underwear on your hip.

After a moment of admiring what you _hoped_ was his handiwork, he smoothed the dress back out grinning like an idiot. You breathed a huge sigh at being covered again,

“You don’t just grope a girl with a machete you know. . .” you stomped around, turning beet red under his gaze.

_Thank God I wore underwear. . ._

He chuckled at you,

“You look good in red.”

“Remind me again why we ditched Sam a few miles back?” you were still trying to get over your internal scare, that the oldest Winchester seemed oblivious to.

“Sam is back up, things can go south real quick in the field. So you always have someone to save your skin _if_ you got the numbers.” he said quickly while loading an old looking revolver, and pocketing that horrible bone Blade that he almost killed you with once.

“Got it.” you nodded firmly, trying to grasp every piece of knowledge you could from the man.

“Alright let’s do this,” Dean grumbled and squeezed your shoulder as he moved by,

“What no team cheer before we go in?” only when he snorted did you realize you’d said that out loud. You were shaking with nerves that you prayed would die down before you met the first monster, this is not at all how you pictured your first hunt.

_I haven’t even played level one and I’m already challenging the boss. Perfect._

 You were about to panic when the familiar flapping of heavy wings naturally made your heart flutter,

“Cas!” you cried happily. Barely even taking notice that you had just abandoned the other Hunter, you ran to Castiel who only squinted down at you. When you hugged him he did not return it.

“Castiel?” you pulled away slowly and looked up at him. He was gazing at you through the same eyes that you had grown to love, but beneath them he was off. Like someone else was behind them. Your heart froze,

“ get away from him,” Dean must have seen it too and the tone of his voice was all you needed to stumble away from Castiel, who watched you with an unsettling crinkle of his eyes and quirk of his lips.

He was amused.

“ !” Dean sounded distressed. And when you turned your back to Cas you saw exactly why.

There was a whole herd of people with pitch black eyes emptying out of the warehouse.  _Demons._

“Oh my God. . .” you whispered. Dean ran forward toward the mob with his frightening bone Blade drawn, ready to fight. You on the other hand backed up timidly knowing for sure that 2 against 100 were the kind of odds that would get you killed.

You startled yourself by bumping into Castiel, and turned to glance up at him on the brink of panic. He had an uncharacteristic smirk on his lips while he returned your gaze, and raised one hand, never breaking eye contact.

You flinched at the sound his fingers made when he snapped them, but nothing could have prepared you for the result of such a simple action.

Every single body that was possessed by a demon simultaneously exploded like water balloons filled with blood and organs.

You couldn’t help the scream that broke past your lips at the sight. It was like a wall of carnage rose and splashed to the ground in a matter of seconds, leaving your mother’s yellow dress spattered in blood.

Castiel still had his fingers raised in the air and you couldn’t tear your wide eyes away from them, every cell in your body was on high alert, waiting to explode any second.

You were frozen.

Completely frozen to the spot, even though your brain urged you to move away from Castiel your petrified body wouldn’t comply.

You trembled at his expression. It was like a calculated calmness in his eyes, but the expression also looked feral, an intensity that you had never seen in your entire life rested in the pools of blue that you’d confided in for weeks.

“ _Cas_. . .?” you whispered, hating the way your voice quaked when you spoke to him. He acknowledged you with a slight tilt of his head, and a slow quirk of his full lips.

“So you see,” he spoke slowly and looked up over your head to Dean, “I saved you.” Dean’s voice far behind you had an uncertain edge to it, and hearing it made you more afraid.

_Dean is never unsure._

“You sure did Cas. . . Thank you.” Cas blinked and his face lifted slightly, you could not stop staring at him. He was still only a few inches from you, but he didn’t seem to care. Dean spoke to you,

“ come here, get away from him.” he sounded urgent, but you remained frozen still staring at Cas.

“She actually can’t Dean, I have temporarily paralyzed her to ensure cooperation from your party.” your eyes widened even more. _He paralyzed me?_ Sure enough no matter how hard you strained your body wouldn’t work.

Castiel drew his hand up, the one that had just committed mass murder, and skimmed your cheek with it. You would have flinched away if you could, but you could only cast your eyes down and try to remain calm.

“Okay, alright Cas I’m cooperating.” Dean promised sounding a little bit desperate, “Just don’t do anything stupid okay? Please.” there was silence, and you craved a chance to look at your hunting partner.

His voice sounded so tired,

“I’ve lost everyone I’ve ever cared about at least once, including you. Don’t make me lose  too. Damn it, don’t make me lose you _again._ ”

_Once or twice? Again? He made it sound like they’d all died before or something._

“I’m more powerful now than I’ve ever been Dean. You should have an idea of how incredible that feels.” he paused and finally tore his burning eyes away from yours, “I can hold them all this time, I can feel it.”

“They’re in you _now_?” Dean’s voice was quiet,

“All of them. Including their leader.” he nodded and your eyes travelled down to his chest, expecting to see churning beneath his skin for some reason, but it looked normal.

“So what? Now you're flying first class to Purgatory?” he sounded panicked behind you and you could tell by his voice that he was inching toward you, “Don’t do it Cas.”

“That was the original plan yes.” _Oh no._

“And now?” Instead of answering he just smiled and cast his gaze out to the warehouse. On cue the tip of an Angel Blade pierced through his chest, coming to a stop a mere centimeter from your nose.

You were too close to Cas to see who wielded it but your money was on Sam.

Instead of watching him die like you dreaded, Cas only tilted his head up slightly squinting at the sensation of being stabbed. Sam appeared into your field of vision looking more worried than you’d ever seen him,

“He’s got the juice again Sam!” Dean barked and you watched in horror as Castiel jerked the Blade from his back with a grunt. He inspected it for a moment, and then with no warning whatsoever he threw it with purpose over your shoulder.

You could hear the Blade slice through the air as it spun sharply, and then the sickening sound of the tip embedding in meat. Dean groaned loudly.

“No!” you cried, unable to see what kind of damage was done behind you.

“Dean!” Sam rushed out of sight to his brother, “Come on Dean stay with me! Stay with me!” Sam was yelling. _This is all my fault. . . Oh God no._ When Castiel lifted his hand once more to snap you heard Dean’s voice, it was raspy and faint, it made you feel nauseous,

“No. . .” was all he said. You squeezed your eyes closed waiting for pain. The snap made you squeak, but there was no pain. You sucked in a breath feeling your lungs fill with air.

_I couldn’t breath if I was dead right?_

So you cracked your eyes open hesitantly. Castiel was watching you from the same proximity as he was in the parking lot, too close. There was no more warehouse, instead it was a large unfamiliar room.

You could see soft yellow wallpaper and a high ceiling with beautiful chandeliers glittering overhead. There was a table to your right, with an abundance of food and drink laid out across it.

You felt with a certain amount of terror, that the Winchesters were no longer with you. It was just you and Castiel. Or this thing that called himself Castiel.

Movement was gifted to your limbs and you instantly took multiple steps backward. There was no more machete in your fingers, but you could feel the cold metal of the flask still pressed against your hip where Dean put it earlier.

_Oh Dean. . . Is he dead?_

You continued to back away from Castiel. A small whimper escaped your lips when your back touched a wall, and Castiel pinned you with those once comforting blue eyes of his at the sound.

“You are afraid.” he stated squinting slightly, as if he didn’t expect it. When you said nothing, he took a calculated step forward and you raised a trembling hand between you, “You fear me?” you had to swallow multiple times before words would come out,

“Sh-should I be scared Cas?” he only looked at you and you gathered enough courage to continue speaking, “Are Sam and Dean okay?”

“Your friend Sam is perfectly fine,” he murmured distastefully,

“He’s your friend too, Cas.” you ventured hopefully,

“Sam stabbed me in the back,” he said flatly, “Dean is. . . well Dean won’t be dead for too long.” you gulped audibly. _Dean is dead. Dean is dead because of me and my secrets._

“What do you mean?” he moved forward suddenly and you skirted along the wall to keep your distance, but you only trapped yourself in a corner next to a statue of a cherub.

“You will see for yourself soon enough,” _What does that mean. . . I don’t want to see any fucking zombies._ You shivered.

“You’re not going to kill me?” you whispered,

“No I would have done that already.” and then the question that you were afraid to ask. _Why am I here now?_

“Why-”

“Aren’t you grateful? he must have read your mind, “I have shown you mercy, no harm has come to you yet. I expected thanks.” his voice was so level, so certain and low. It was chilling.

“ _W-will_ you hurt me?” you sounded so pathetic, but you’d just watched him turn 100 people into human smoothies with the snap of a finger so you let it go.

He cocked his head at you and let an amused smile light on his face. As if it was an answer he extended a hand to ghost across your cheek and you worked to stay calm.

“So fragile. . . So frightened. . .” you breathed heavily through your nose, ignoring the fact that your eyes were welling with unshed tears, “all mine.” he spoke in a low register that had your stomach in knots.

_His?_

Averting your eyes from his you noticed something on his neck, it looked like an inky black tattoo of sorts except it was in the shape of veins sprouting up from his shirt collar.

It was growing, snaking up his neck slowly like something black was filling his veins. He was full of evil.

 _“she should see for herself where keeping secrets leads.”_ This is where.

“Cas-,” you whimpered and squeezed your watery eyes shut against reality.

By far the most horrific part of all of this was that whatever this was in front of you wore the same skin as your most treasured friend. You loved him and trusted him with everything you had. Now every wall you’d built, every fence you’d mended after Justin was burnt to the ground.

A black hole that had been waiting just beneath your feet since the beginning had finally opened up to swallow you. . . and there was no one you could turn to. It felt like your heart had been torn out of your chest, and you desperately needed the man who held you at night when you were afraid. 

The man who cradled your heart in his and told you everything you needed to hear, the man who told you he _loved_ you. . . The man that you let in.

And to your eyes that man was in front of you, looking the same even smelling the same, close enough to touch. You needed to look into his crystal blue eyes and see comfort and protection.

But he wouldn’t wrap you in his arms, wouldn’t reassure you with his heartbeat. In fact if you leaned into his chest right now, you might burst into flames. And those eyes held nothing but menace and superiority.

All of that was enough to crack the foundation of your progress, everything you worked for was pointless because the one and only man that you’d trusted enough to talk to about your past was now a monster worse than even _Jason_ had ever been.

Jason. The man who’d attempted to _rape_ you on several occasions, _beaten_ you within a breath of your life at least once a week, and who broke your soul utterly and completely- _that_ man seemed like a better alternative than the one who called himself your Angel once.

And that. . . well that is the _true_ definition of terror. You had been betrayed by the one you trusted most.

And you felt like you were dying.

In fact, you couldn’t breath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leviathan!Cas is unsettling to say the least. . Something tells me he'll get worse before he gets better. And what happens when Dean dies with the Mark of Cain? If you don't already know, you will in the next chapter. . . Things are about to get real for the reader.
> 
> Hope you've enjoyed this series so far! :) Updates soon!
> 
> Comments and suggestions welcome~


	3. Tears for the Fallen Ones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel wants respect as your new God, so he introduces you to Demon!Dean. Hysteria ensues.
> 
>  This chapter is extremely dark.  
> If sexual assault is a trigger for you, please proceed with caution!!
> 
> Otherwise enjoy! Thanks for continuing :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I went back and edited last chapter so that it isn't such a mess :) Same content though, just different format!  
> ****Again sexual assault and fear occur in this chapter. Don't let it sneak up on you!****
> 
> Also, Demon!Dean is still sensitive about Mary Winchester.

Castiel had left you in the big room after you collapsed on the floor.

He had watched you gasp for air that wouldn’t come momentarily, before disappearing angrily and leaving you to hyperventilate. Now that he was gone though, you worked to relax.

Breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth seemed to calm you down a bit, and after a while deep breaths didn’t seem so impossible. Pushing yourself into a sitting position, you racked your brain for any little pieces of Winchester knowledge that might be able to save you.

 

All you could think about was your Angel and the evil things he’d said. _“All mine. . .”_ You shuddered when you pictured the look on his face as he told you that.

“You’re okay. . . You’re okay. . .” You told yourself, trying to get a grip. _There has to be a way out of here._ You recalled Sam telling you that the first priority when you found yourself in unfamiliar territory, was to find the exits and find any kind of weapon.

So you focused on that, and tried not to think about how you basically killed his brother.

After you pushed yourself onto your feet, it didn’t take long to see that there was only one door in the room, and it was gaping open to reveal a pristine bathroom. _No exit?_ You were getting panicky again, but you forced yourself to move around the room in search of a weapon.

_But a weapon for what?_ According to Dean, Cas was full of Leviathan so the only thing that would affect him was decapitation and the tiny amount of Borax in Dean’s flask on your hip.

Your eyes scanned the table that was piled with various foods ranging from little sandwiches, to pies, to prime rib, to fruit. There was no sharp silverware, not even a fork. However there were steaming pots of soup, but you doubted a ladle could cut someone’s head off.

You ran into the bathroom, but found that there was only a toilet, a sink, and a ridiculously spacious walk in shower with glass doors leading into it.

A little whine escaped your lips as you realized there might not be a way out of this. . . Once again you were at a crazy man’s mercy.

“I can’t believe this is happening to me. This couldn't get any worse. . .” you whispered to yourself as you backed out of the bathroom. A familiar deep voice startled you,

“I beg to differ sweetheart,” _Dean?_ You spun around. It was him. It was Dean. Cas was standing at the far end of the room with an uncharacteristic smile on his face, while he watched your reaction.

Dean was wearing the same red button down and black t-shirt that he was when you swore Cas killed him. Even though he was across the room, you took a small step away,

“ _Dean_? You’re okay. . . I-I thought-”

“Oh I’m better than okay princess,” he sneered showing his teeth. Something was horribly wrong.

“But. . The knife. I thought you were dying,” you moved so that the big table was between you, when all you wanted was for him to tell you he’d come to rescue you.

“I did.” he was watching you intensely,

“You _died_?” you whispered quietly not believing your own words.

“Bingo,” he casually slapped his hand on the back of a chair, “and you know who’s fault that was?” he studied the white table cloth and brushed his hand over it as he moved down the table toward you.

“Mine.” you sidestepped along your side of the table, keeping the distance between you, “Dean I-I’m _so_ sorry. . .I didn’t mean for this to happen.” your voice cracked and he glanced up at you with a smirk,

“You’re not gonna start cryin'  _already_ are you?” he teased, “We haven’t even gotten to the good stuff.” ice settled in your chest, as you tried to decipher the meaning of his words.

Sam’s voice invaded your mind,  _“Don’t ever let the enemy know you’re afraid.”_ Castiel’s snort made you glance over at him leaned up on the wall, he was still watching calmly.

“Are you a ghost?” you tried to keep your voice steady. He laughed out loud at your question,

“Oh no baby, not a ghost. . .” you stared at him across the length of the table, you were both at the opposite heads now.

“Then-then how are you here?” you gripped the back of the chair and tried to still your quivering knees. Instead of answering you, Dean closed his eyes. When he opened them slowly, they were flooded with inky blackness.

You couldn’t help a little whimper from jumping from your throat at the sight,

“You’re. . . You’re a _demon_.” there was no hiding the quaking in your voice now. You were terrified. Anyone could see that. Your brain worked overtime for the latin words Sam had tried to teach you to exorcise a demon with. _Exorcizamus te. . .omnis. . ._

Castiel interrupted your frantic thinking,

“That won’t be of use to you,” you flinched at his voice, but he didn’t move from his spot, “Dean’s very soul has been demonized.”

Dean chuckled at your expression,

“Nothin in here to exorcise, it’s all me sweetcheeks.” the black in his eyes receded, allowing his beautiful greens to shine through once again. Your body relaxed a hair. Dean started circling the table again, so you moved around it as well.

“So you and I are gonna play a little game. . .” he drawled,

“Wh-what kind of game?” you stuttered nervously,

“It’s sort of like tag,” his voice was full of enjoyment, “except if I catch you, I get to have a little fun.” your breathing hitched as did your heart, “And if you can get away. . . Well, you won’t be getting away.” he finished grinning like the devil himself.

“I’m not afraid of you,” that sounded idiotic, even you didn’t believe yourself. Of course you were afraid.

“I can hear your heartbeat across the table, you don’t need to lie to me. You’re scared. And you should be.” he was practically humming with malice,

“Why Dean?” tears were a real threat now, you could feel them burning behind your eyes and your vision was becoming watery.

“Because I know what scares you.” he looked levelly at you, “Every little thing you’ve ever feared, you _told_ me. And you know the best part of it all?”

“No.” your voice was so small now,

“I know what scares you the most, what keeps you up at night.” he paused for effect and smiled, “That _one_ _thing_ that would completely break you. I know what it is. And so does good ol' Cas here.”

_Oh God please no. . This can’t be happening. Wake up!_

“Dean, Cas- don’t do this. Why are you _doing_ this!” you lost your composure suddenly and it only made Dean’s eyes brighten more,

“You got me killed , destroyed my soul.” he murmured with the illusion of comfort, “It’s only fair that I destroy yours.” you were both still circling the table slowly and you opted for reasoning with him.

“Dean please, this isn’t you. . . You don’t want to do this!” his eyes darkened to that frightening black again, “Remember two nights ago when you said you loved me? And-and I got you to drink a peach margarita. . . but you and Sam argued about who was the better dancer and we danced?”

As you recounted your homemade “Hunter’s Graduation” party, the tears you’d been holding back finally spilled over.

“Shut up.” he warned, “I don’t give a shit about any of that.” but you kept talking,

“Or-or the flask you bought me? It was like you were rebuilding my heart!,” you cried, “Everything you did for me since the night you took me from the truck stop. . . Dean _please-_ you and Sam made me the happiest I’ve been in _years_.”

The more you spoke the angrier he looked, his black eyes were narrowed into slits and his breathing was becoming labored.

“I said shut the Hell up .” he snarled and quickened his pace around the table, you scrambled to keep the distance. If he wanted to catch you he would, Dean was worlds faster than you.

He was just drawing this out to scare you more.

It was working.

In a burst of panic you broke into a run, and Dean followed suit. He was quickly closing in as you ran laps around the big table, pretty soon he was out of your line of sight and on your side.

He was too fast. Hearing his boots thudding behind you unleashed a panicked screech from your throat, and in a desperate attempt to escape you crumpled to the ground and dove beneath the oak table for cover, wiggling between the chairs until you were in the center.

Momentarily out of reach from Dean and Cas, but trapped all the same.

His work boots were turned facing you between the chairs and you could hear him chuckling,

“Under the table? _Really_?” he mocked. He was right though, this was as pathetic as those girls who hide under the bed in the movies.  _Those girls always die._

You were a trembling mess, hugging your knees tightly with tears streaming down your face, you were the embodiment of the girl you worked so hard to leave behind.

“You might as well come out. . . I can’t say it’ll be pleasant when I drag you out myself.” you heard him heavily plant his palms on the wood, as he leaned lazily against it. A sharp desperate sob broke out of your chest,

“ _Please_ Dean. . . You’re - you're  _scaring_ me.” you sniveled pathetically, earning you another low laugh,

“I know darlin’, that’s the point. Glad to hear I’m getting a good review though.” you could hear the smile in his voice. He rapped a fist on the tabletop, making you jump and said,

“Come on out . I just want to talk to you for a second.” _Lie_. He was going to attack you as soon as you showed yourself.

“ _No_ I’m not fucking coming out,” cursing had always made you feel brave, now was no exception there was no denying a little spark of courage that came with the word.

“Alright. . . Suit yourself.” he sighed dramatically, and his boots moved away from the table, “Cas?”

You heard the snap of his fingers and with a huge whoosh of air you were huddled down out in the open. The entire table had disappeared. Your eyes were huge as you looked up to Dean, he had that smirk on his lips, it would have made him look normal if it wasn’t for those black eyes.

Cas moved into your line of sight, you would never get used to the smile he wore. Sinister and unfeeling.

“Go ahead Dean,” he ground out the order, “punish her.”

When Dean took a step toward you, a sound drug out of your chest that could only be described as a muffled wail, it made the hairs on your arms stand on end and even gave _Dean_ pause.

If terror could be defined by a sound it would be that one.

You watched Dean blink those black orbs a couple times, before recovering and saying simply,

“Tag.” You shrieked as he rushed you, his body enveloping your small form completely in a bear hug. You struggled mindlessly as he hoisted you up from the carpet and threw you over his shoulder, much like that night at the truck stop.

His broad shoulder dug into your stomach painfully, jolting you with each stride. _Where is he going?_

You clawed at his back and kicked at his stomach,

“Let me _go_! Stop!” you cried, “ _Dean_!” His words played in your mind, _“That one thing that would completely break you. I know what it is. And so does good ol Cas here.”_

Cas was close behind watching you cry and kick, he raised a hand and snapped again, relishing the way you flinched.

“You have shown me no respect as your new God, so now you must be punished.” Castiel spoke flatly, boring his blue eyes into you. _New God?_ Suddenly your body was being flung backward off of Dean’s shoulder, and your stomach dropped with the sensation of falling, before you bounced on a soft surface.

A mattress.

Cas must have just snapped in a bed. _Please don’t let this be real._

Automatically, you flipped over onto your belly and reached out for the other side of the bed, attempting to get away. But you knew in your heart there would be no escaping.

So when you felt Dean’s big hands pin your hips down onto the bed, putting a stop to your escape, you started to cry. You cried loud broken sobs, balling the sheets into your small fists, and weeping helplessly into the mattress.

“Please Dean. . . _Please_ don’t do this.” your breathing was choppy, and all you could do was hope to God this new Dean had mercy.

Taking advantage of any ounce of protection you could, you crossed your ankles tightly, wishing now more than ever you had worn something more than your mother’s yellow dress.

“Oh this is happening sweetheart,” his husky voice sent you back to Oregon, in your trailer with Jason, fighting for your life. So scared you thought your heart would stop. You almost didn’t hear Dean’s voice break through your memory,

“I can’t believe you actually thought you could be a Hunter. I mean - look at you kid - crying like a baby and I’m barely even touching you.”

Your breath hitched when you felt both of his hands move to your thighs, they were rough and calloused on your soft skin. When he began to run them up under your dress, you cried harder, too afraid of him to even struggle.

_Pathetic. Pathetic. Pathetic._

“Oh what do we have here?” the smooth metal flask on your hip was removed from your underwear band, “I almost forgot about this, Cas I think she was planning on burning you.”

Dean leaned over you and shook it in front of your face, and in a haze of desperation, you twisted around and grabbed at it like you would even be able to use it. Dean laughed at you and hurled it across the room.

“Now let’s get another look at those sexy red underwear you’ve got,” he began to ruck your dress up around your hips,

“ _No - no - no_. . .” the word tripped over your lips between sobs, and you tried desperately to hold the dress down with your own hands. You had to fight the urge to flip over onto your back, knowing it would only expose more to Dean, even if you could get a few hits in.

“Move your fucking hands,” he growled, his voice lacking amusement now.

“ _No_!” you cried, white knuckling the yellow fabric.

A sudden jerk and the sound of tearing, broke your heart. Instantly.

You went limp as Dean - no this _monster_ \- tore your mother’s dress from your body. Destroyed the only thing you had to remember her by. . . it would now only serve as a memory from the worst day of your life.

A scream broke out when he tore away your flimsy underwear, burning your skin a little with the friction.

You heard him inhale deeply through his nose and realized sickly that he was _sniffing_ your panties. . . You'd been wearing those for almost two days.  _Oh. ._

Apparently he didn't mind, because he pocketed them and then jerked the remains of the dress out from under you and tossed to the side, still in your line of sight. The embodiment of your mother’s beauty covered in demon blood and torn to shreds.

“Mom. . .” you whispered brokenly, and forgetting where you were for a moment, you reached a shaking hand out of the pile of dirty yellow. The room was dead silent except for your sniveling and the sound of dragging fabric as you pulled the remains of happier times to your chest.

Dean didn’t stop you. In fact he wasn’t doing much of anything.

You could feel his eyes watching you while you clutched your mother tightly, your body racking with a new wave of loud sobs,

“ _Mommy_. . .” you wept into the dress brokenly, unable to catch your breath. “Oh _God_ I need you. . .” you didn’t care how pitiful you looked anymore. Your heart was broken.

“Shut up.” Dean ordered, but something about his voice was a little off.

You trembled a little at the chill in the room, since you wore no bra, you were face down before Dean completely naked. Silent tears poured down your face and into the dress, as you waited for him to flip you over and rape you.

_It’s really happening this time. Nothing will save me now._

You felt him wrap his hands around your thighs and pull you until your lower half was hanging off of the bed, nothing couldn’t stop the whimpers that burst out. Your feet didn’t reach the floor so there was no leverage to get away.

The jingling of a belt buckle, and the sound of a zipper made you desperate,

“Dean please don’t do anything to me! _Please_ \- ” you wept with your eyes screwed shut, “I’m-I'm  _begging_ you. I’m sorry I got you killed, just please I can’t go through this!” your whole body was shaking with sobs.

The last time you had been even close to this scared was when you crashed the Impala and that was still nothing compared to what you felt now.

He didn’t answer your pleas, only took his place between your thighs and swiftly flipped you over to face him, you kept your eyes squeezed closed in an effort to avoid seeing his scary black ones.

And then you felt it.

Dean’s thick, hot, hard member on your skin, rubbing against your inner thigh.

You struggled in vain, even bringing one hand down to cover yourself as he easily held you in place, but despite your efforts you felt his large tip at your entrance and tried once more to close your legs.

“Look at me,” he was breathing heavily, you couldn’t open your eyes. His fingertips were bruising your thighs, and he was rutting hard against your folds, but not quite pushing in. _Yet_.

“Oh God, I want - I want my mom. . .” you sobbed, not believing how easily those childish words slipped out of your mouth at 18 years old.

It did something to Dean though, you felt him go rigid and you cracked an eye open hesitantly. His eyes were still black, he was towering over you, and you shrunk back at the frightening visual.

However when he saw you’d opened your eyes, he changed them back to their normal green. _Is he trying to comfort me?_

You were both frozen. Him a centimeter from tearing through your innocence, and you with every sense on high alert as you waited for him to use his weapon.

“Son of a bitch.” you flinched at the term, but he suddenly released your thighs and backed off of you. Immediately you closed your legs and scrambled into the headboard away from him.

_He’s playing with me more. . . This is some sort of sick game._ However you couldn’t help, but feel hopeful when he re-zipped his jeans.

“Dean.” Castiel spoke for the first time since this all started, honestly you’d forgotten he was here.

“I. . .” Dean was shaking his head at you with wide eyes, “can’t do it Cas.” You didn’t dare to hope.

“You do not get to chose Dean, you are only a pawn.” Castiel was clearly angry, “You must punish this human for doubting me as her new God.” his gravelly voice wasn’t quite the same as it had always been.

“Well guess what? I don’t work for you,” Dean clipped, “I may be a demon now, but I sure as Hell ain’t _this_ fucked up. . .Killing people? _Sure_. Rough her up a bit? Why not.”

He glanced at you then,

“But I won’t rape a defenseless girl, who’s crying for her mom. Even demons have morals.”

“You have no soul Dean,” Castiel pointed out, “either you do it or I will.”

“I may not have a soul, but that’s a line I won’t cross with or without one.” he growled, “Go ahead and do it yourself.” in the blink of an eye Castiel went from being toe to toe with Dean to directly beside your bed.

With a flick of his wrist you were spread eagle on the mattress, with no movement in your limbs, and nothing to protect your naked body.

“No!” you screeched. _Of course this is still happening, how could I have been so lucky?_

You struggled as you watched Castiel’s thick fingers graze your core.

“Do you respect me as your God?” he demanded,

“Yes! _Yes_ Castiel. . . I re-respect you, please don’t!” you screamed.

“You don’t order me around child,” he growled and pushed his fingers down harder on your sensitive core.

“Sorry I’m sorry, I’ll do whatever you want Cas!” you really would if it meant he wouldn’t hurt you, but he wasn’t having it.

“You must be punished for your lack of faith, only then will you understand what it is to be sorry.” his voice was light despite what he was saying and you desperately tried a new angle,

“Castiel please, I love you! _Remember_? I love you,” it wasn’t even a lie, you just wished he would come back. His fingers were so close to being inside of you, you were so dry that he might tear you.

“You said you loved me too. You were the first one who ever said that to me in five years.” His fingers paused and you tried to steady your breathing,

“I have more important things to focus on now .” And his forefinger pushed into your dry core.

“ _Ahh_!” you screamed in pain, it felt nothing like it did the day Cas went down on you. His finger prodded at your dry walls and scraped painfully,

“Stop!” you sounded strangled, and you felt him mercilessly begin pushing in another finger.

You squeezed your eyes shut, trying to be silent. Just before he shoved it inside, there was a loud grunt and Castiel’s touch was gone, instead another hand clamped around your wrist.

Your eyes flew open to see Dean smirk and wink at you, and then all you could feel was your stomach rolling and a great pressure in your head. You clamped your eyes shut against the feeling, and suddenly you felt scratchy carpet beneath your feet.

“Sorry that wasn’t as smooth as can be, but I’ve only teleported like twice.” you risked cracking your eyes open, to see Dean glaring down at you. “Sammy’s in the room next door, don’t you fucking tell him about me.”

You knew without looking around much that he had brought you to a cheap motel room,

“You-you _saved_ me?” you whispered, your voice hoarse from screaming.

“Don’t get used to it sweetheart,” he clipped, “you got lucky.” Realizing you were still completely naked, you wrapped your arms around your breasts awkwardly,

“Why. . .Um why did you stop?” he looked surprised and a little amused at your question so you quickly added, “I mean I’m glad you did, I just want to know why. . .”

“Honestly?” he seemed irritated that he was even still talking to you, and you reminded yourself that it wasn’t _really_ Dean who saved you. “If you wouldn’t have done that whole crying for mommy shit, I would have fucked you until you snapped in half.”

You shivered and stepped back.

“That was it?” you mumbled,

“Yeah you really think a _Demon_ has anything against rape? No, I’ll probably do a lot of it. In fact if I ever see you again, no amount of wanting your mom will stop me from ruining you.” he scanned your body and licked his lower lip hungerly,

“Is it because of Mary?” his eyes turned to black as soon as the question got out, and you looked to the ground in sudden fear.

_Those eyes are the worst thing ever._

Sam had told you about Mary Winchester, and how hard her death had been for Dean. Perhaps seeing you mourn that way triggered some kind of sympathy in the demon.

“I guess both of our mothers saved you.” without a sound the second person you loved disappeared, leaving you naked in the room alone, shaken and fragile.

_“SAAAAAAMM!”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You and Sam need to figure out how to get your boys back to normal! Was this a one time save for Dean? Or is he not as evil as we've all imagined.
> 
> Fallout from Castiel's assualt won't be too grueling :) Rest assured!
> 
> Comments and Suggestions for story line welcome as always, this can go wherever ya'll want it to. Obviously I have a plan in case :)


	4. Consquences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam finds you battered in the motel room, and takes you back to the bunker. Your impulsive nature causes you to betray demon!Dean. . . That's never good. Sam comes up with a plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Flashbacks and Mental Instability
> 
> The bold sentence indicates a thought in Chapter 5 of In Your Best Interest, had by the reader that is almost identical to what Sam thinks. 
> 
> Enjoy! :)

You had no clue what time it was so you screamed a second time for the youngest Winchester,

“ _Sam_!” that one sounded choppy, and you knew if he’d heard it he would know you were crying.

Just when you sucked in a third breath to call out again, loud stomping and banging from the next room over made itself known. You were hugging yourself and standing awkwardly in the center of the room, completely naked, and feeling more shaken than you had in a long time.

A round of loud knocks on the door made you jump,

“ ?” it sounded like Sam, but you didn’t move from your spot, “  are you in there? It’s Sam.” More frantic knocking prompted you to find your voice,

“I’m here. . .” your voice was hoarse and small, but the knocking halted.

“Open the door , what’s going on in there?” _Oh nothing just the emotional devastation that comes with being sexually assaulted by your friends. No biggie._

“Is-Is it just you?” you tiptoed to the door as if he didn’t already know you were in there,

“Yeah it’s only me, are you hurt?” he sounded pretty worked up, “Let me in .” you peeked through the peephole and saw that it was indeed only Sam looking down worriedly on the door,

“And. . . And you’re _you_?” you swallowed seeing his brow furrow, “I mean like _really_ you?” you clarified suddenly overcome with fear that Sam was somehow possessed by something sinister as well. _I mean why not? He’d be the only one of them that wasn’t evil at this point._

“Yes. . . It’s really me,” he waited seeming a little confused but you still didn’t unlock the door, “I promise it’s only Sam, let me in so I can help you.” Then all of a sudden the only thing you really wanted was to be held.

More than anything you wanted the big man to comfort you, envelop you in his warmth until you stopped shivering, and tell you everything was going to be okay even if it wasn’t.

So before that feeling went away you turned the lock over and stepped away from the door,

“Okay I’m gonna come in now,” he told you firmly. The knob twisted and you folded your arms over your breasts, wishing to Hell you had clothes on.

Idly you wondered how you must look, bruised and disheveled with tears endlessly spilling from your eyes. Sam only opened the door enough to let himself in, and the first thing you saw was the gun in his hand.

Instant terror.

Allowing instinct to take over, you threw yourself at the flimsy door, shutting both of Sam’s arms between it and the door jam. The youngest Winchester let out a surprised grunt at the sudden attack, and he dropped his weapon in a spasm of pain.

You instantly dropped to the floor and scrambled to retrieve it.

Once you plucked it from the dirty carpet and fumbled to aim it at him, he burst through the door with a chilling expression he only wore during hunts. However when his eyes found you curled on the floor they went wide,

“You’re not Sam! You were gonna _shoot_ me!” you bawled, visibly shaking while you struggled to aim the gun at him. He only stared at you, big brown eyes working over your exposed body, cataloging every injury.

You spoke again with a raw shaky voice,

“I’m _sorry_ I got Dean killed, but - but. . .” you trailed off when his worried eyes finally found yours,

“Hey hey, I wasn’t going to shoot _you_ ,” he put his hands up slightly as a gesture of surrender, “I just thought there might be someone else in the room.” you could tell he was struggling to speak to you normally in spite of your current condition.

He took a small step forward and you scrambled back with one hand on the carpet and one on the cold metal gun, he froze again,

“I swear it’s only me,” he swallowed hard and averted his eyes from your naked form, “I’m just gonna grab the blanket off the bed for you. . . You can hold on to the gun if you need to.”

You knew in your heart you couldn’t shoot Sam even if he was a demon, he probably knew it too, but you still kept the gun raised at him because it made you feel slightly more protected.

Sam moved across the room slowly with his hands up, like he was afraid you would take off at any sudden movement. Hell you thought about it. But seeing that familiar furrow of his brow that let you know he was worried for you, and hearing his smooth voice while he spoke gently to you was your deciding factor.

He jerked the blanket off of the bed and turned to you, clearly unsure what to do next.

You dropped the gun and let the tears fall,

“Sam-” you crawled the rest of the way across the dirty carpet to him, hiccuping on your tears, and shamelessly got to your knees to cling around his waist. You didn’t even want to know what his expression might be.

_Disgust? Pity? Anger?_

None of those sounded like anything you wanted to look at right now, so you buried your face into the rough jeans on his hip and let your tears go. After a moment he came to his senses and dropped to a knee before you, to take your face up in his big hands.

“ , I need you to tell me what happened.” his eyes were brimming with fresh tears of his own, and you wanted to die. “What happened ?” you opened your mouth to speak, but nothing came out.

Only gushes of clipped air where words were supposed to be.

Sam wrapped you snugly in the blanket, then drug you into his lap and held you like a baby to his chest, with his cheek resting on the top of your head. You curled into him, seeking comfort from the familiar man, and clutched onto his plaid button down like it was anchoring you to sanity.

“Sam he-they-” you took some deep breaths, and tried not to think too much about what you were saying,

“Cas brought me to some kind of room with no doors, and I di-didn’t show him enough respect - and - he called me _his_ , but then he-he said he was my new _God_ -” you broke off sobbing, and tried to once again collect yourself.

“Wait, Cas thinks he’s God again?” he clarified and you nodded into his chest, “Okay, then what?” he asked grimly and you wondered if he knew where this was going.

After all you did show up naked and battered in a crappy motel room, it would be pretty obvious. Maybe he just had to hear it out loud.

“Um he left me there,” you paused remembering Dean’s warning.

_“Sammy’s in the room next door, don’t you fucking tell him about me.”_

“Okay. . . You’re doing so good .” he encouraged. With a huge breath you dove into the flames,

“Dean showed up.” your own voice gave you goosebumps it was so monotone. You could feel Sam’s whole body tense up,

“No,” he said tightly, “Dean is dead.” you began to explain,

“Sam he isn’t dead, he showed up and -”

“My brother is dead!” he roared. His arms constricted tightly around you, “I carried his body to his bedroom myself, I left him at the bunker.” he growled. Your breathing was shallow in his tight hold, and you tried to stay calm and find the air to explain yourself,

“No Sam, it was _Dean_ \- but it wasn’t.” you babbled, “Dean is a Demon.” There you said it. Now let the storm hit.

**Half an hour later. Sam’s POV**

The young girl sat squished away from him as far as the passenger seat would allow, still wrapped in the thin motel comforter.

Sam could see her trembling out of the corner of his eye, but couldn’t find the energy to reassure her that she was safe with him after my outburst at the motel. Every so often a little snivel jerked him out of his thoughts and he felt a pang of guilt knowing that he wasn’t emotionally available to her just yet.

_Dean is alive. . . And he’s a demon. I can work with that, capture him and cure him. Piece of cake._

 told Sam that his brother warned her not to tell about him, but he couldn’t bring himself to care about that right then. All Sam wanted was to cure him. That’s all his brain could focus on.

Once during the ride to the bunker, Sam reached out to squeeze her thigh three times as a familiar gesture of comfort that developed between. **Dean once told him that their Mother used to do it all the time, saying _“three squeezes means love”_ but to        it probably meant nothing.**

As soon as she saw Sam’s hand moving toward her though she whimpered loud enough to make him wince, and shriveled further away. He couldn’t even bring himself to apologize for that.

“We’re almost there,” it came out sounding like a growl even to Sam, and he knew he was only digging the knife deeper. He didn’t have time to care.

_Find Dean. Cure Dean. Find Dean. Cure Dean._

Idly the youngest Winchester wondered what happened to her. I never gave her the chance to tell the rest of her story. She looked pretty bruised up and the fact that she was naked should have been all of the hint that he needed.

But again.

All he could do was ignore her. . .

After all the man had his own problems to worry about, right? _Her problems can wait a minute. . . Right?_

**Your POV**

You sat a shaking ball of nerves as Sam rounded the Impala to your door.

He hadn’t spoken to you once since you told him his brother was a demon, and seemed unable to hear your pleas regarding Dean finding out you ratted on him. It was like Sam was in a trance.

So you stayed quiet.

You hadn’t told him what Dean and Cas did to you, and it was clear he wouldn’t hear it anyway. The passenger door creaked open and he wasted no time gripping your upper arm and dragging you from the car.

“ _Ow_ Sam let _go_ of me!” you cried, and tried to bat his hand away while clutching the blanket tightly to your chest. The big man kept of his trend of ignoring you and towed you the rest of the way into the bunker and down the stairs.

You didn’t even fight when he plunked you into a nearby chair.

When Sam started pacing around the big room, running his hand through his hair repeatedly all you could do was watch him with wide worried eyes.

“Sam?” you whispered. He went completely still at your voice with one hand in his hair, and blinked a couple times before raising his eyes to you. The only sound in the room was your quiet breathing, and you dared not speak again.

Not with the way he was acting.

Like a pressure sensitive bomb, so close to exploding you could smell the smoke and feel the debris. All it would take was one more hair of weight added and you would have to deal with the carnage.

_Yep, best to shut it._

Sam startled from his trance as if he was remembering himself suddenly and felt around his pockets quickly. He came up with a small bottle of holy water, and flung a hefty amount in your face without warning.

“ _Sam_!” you came out of the chair suddenly, not exactly sure what your plan was, and he stood a little taller so he could look down on you even further.

“I’m going to my room to shower and get clothes.” you whispered feeling a little hurt that he clearly gave no care to what your needs might be after -well. . . _after_.

Without waiting for an answer you took off down the corridor leading to your room, and locked the heavy door behind you. You actively tried not to think about really anything at all while you closed and locked the bathroom door, just settled for going through the motions.

_Turn on water, wait for it to get warm. . ._

However when you dropped the blanket in front of the mirror it all came flooding back. You let out a strangled whine when you saw the damage riddled over your skin from your time with Castiel and Dean.

Huge purple bruises spotted your entire body, and there were a few minor cuts on your face, arms, and legs. Seeing it all now made you realize how much pain you were really in.

Fingertip bruises marked up the soft skin of your inner thighs, and turning in the mirror you could see larger dark marks where Dean had pinned you down to the bed by your hips.

Your chest was spasming with dry sobs, as you gingerly felt down between your legs where Castiel had assaulted you. Just as you feared the hand came back with a small amount of dark red, near your opening.

_Oh my God he really did tear me. . ._

Squeezing your eyes tight at the sight and the memory, you finally unleashed loud uninhibited sobs while shakily making your way to the shower. You barely even registered the hot water stream scalding your skin as you stood trembling under the spray.

Flashbacks came like you expected them to, and you heard Dean’s voice echo in your head,

 _“I know what scares you the_ most _, what keeps you up at night.” he paused for effect and smiled, “That_ one thing _that would completely break you. I know what it is. And so does good ol' Cas here.”_

You let tears fall as you audibly cried, allowing sobs and whimpers to echo through the bathroom,

_“I can’t believe you actually thought you could be a Hunter. I mean - look at you kid - crying like a baby and I’m barely even touching you.”_

A trembling hand lifted to cover your eyes, like you could block out the memories that way, but then you heard what Castiel said before he violated you.

 _“You said you loved me_ too _. You were the first one who ever said that to me in five years.” His fingers paused and you tried to steady your breathing,  
__“I have more important things to focus on now .”_

Burning pain actually flared up between your thighs at your opening when you recalled what followed that statement, and you wailed. Not so much at the physical pain, but greatly because of the pain you felt at realizing just how much you really lost tonight.

Dean your protector and Castiel your Angel.

Your breathing was becoming labored and you had your arms crossed over your heaving chest, as you struggled to block out the memories flooding your mind. Suddenly you recalled one of the last things Dean said to you in the motel.

_“Yeah you really think a Demon has anything against rape? No, I’ll probably do a lot of it. In fact if I ever see you again, no amount of wanting your mom will stop me from ruining you.”_

A heartbroken scream ripped from your throat, through the heavy water stream and it seemed to shake the whole bathroom.

Or maybe that was just you shaking.

Desperately you tried to focus on the present instead of your assault, but there was nothing to grab onto. You were drowning it seemed. Normally when you felt this way, you would take a hot shower to wash away the smells and grime, then cuddle with your mother’s dress until you fell asleep.

It was like holding that thing would erase any fear that lingered from whatever Jason had done to you that night.

The dress was gone. Your comfort was gone. Your mother was _gone_. Now only panic and crippling fear lasted.

But this time it wasn’t at the hands of Jason. It was a demon and an Angel.

Loud banging on your bedroom door shook sounded, and you yelped in fear picturing Dean’s black eyes immediately. _He came to finish what he started!_

“ ?” it was Sam’s voice thick with concern. _Oh_ now _he cares huh?_ “ , I heard you screaming are you okay in there?” you didn’t even bother summoning the energy to answer him, all you wanted was for him to go away.

However a deafening crack reminded you that locked doors would never be a match for a Winchester, you swallowed hard and stared at the closed bathroom door waiting for him to come crashing through that one as well,

“Oh my God. . . what is this?” you had the capacity to be confused by his words, he was still in your main room. _What is he talking about?_ You shut the water off and hastily made your way out of the shower, wrapping up tightly in a towel.

“Sam . . .?” you called through the door nervously,

“Yeah I’m still here, are you coming out?” his voice was tight with an emotion you could quite place.

“Yes.” you whispered, “Can - can you move to the far side of the room please?” you winced at how odd that sounded, but after what you’d been through you didn’t care all that much.

“You can come out now.” so you did. Peeking through the crack of the door you met his large brown eyes with your timid (e/c) ones and determined he was far enough away to come all the way out.

What you saw shocked you.

Hanging crudely above your bed, nailed to the wall, was the bloody torn remains of your mother’s yellow dress. Your stomach rolled seeing what was beside it written in dark thick red letters that could have only been blood.

_**I told you not to tell Sammy, bitch.** _

You shrieked.

That’s the only reaction that your body could have. That and crumple to the floor like a lifeless rag doll. Sam was immediately by your side, ignoring the way you flinched away from him,

“What does that mean ?”

“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you Sam!” you yelled feeling a little angry that he hadn’t given a shit about where you mixed into all of this, “I wasn’t supposed to tell you that Dean is a demon.” you whimpered in fear, realizing what this meant for you.

Sam silently rubbed your back while you averted your eyes from the ruined dress and the horrifying message,

“Sam. . . Dean’s gonna kill me.” you whined tearfully at the floor, “He- he’s gonna k- _kill_ me. . .” you sobbed, feeling helpless as ever.

“No.” Sam soothed and continued to gently rub your back over the towel, “No he won’t kill you, I’m not going to let that happen. I promise.” despite his intentions though his words only reminded you that no, Dean wouldn’t _kill_ you. At least not right away.

 _“-if I ever see you again, no amount of wanting your mom will stop me from ruining you.”_ He would do much worse first. You had outright ignored his warning and now you would suffer the consequences.

Sam seemed to notice your building fear and backed off, thinking it was because of him again,

“No Sam, you’re right he won’t just kill me.” your voice was oddly calm. He blinked a couple times and took a seat a few feet across the floor from you. The fact that he had been just on the other side of the door while you were showering, and hadn’t acted out then only increased the sickness of the whole thing.

This was a game to Dean. He would drag this out. Play with you. Make you as scared as he possibly could. . . And _then_ he would rape you. And probably kill you- at least you _hoped_ he would kill you after. _I don’t think I could live after that._

“You never told me all that happened.” he murmured softly,

“Well that’s because you never asked Sam,” you said bitterly, “I know that Dean will always matter more than me - you don’t want to hear it okay? And that’s fine.” you wiped your nose with the back of your hand, and stared at the floor.

“Well I’m asking now.” he said a little firmer, “Tell me what happened , I swear I’ll listen. It’s just that when you told me my brother was a demon all I could see was red.” his voice cracked a little, and you hesitated to tell him what he wanted to know.

Glancing up at the big man in front of you sitting crisscross like a toddler was oddly reassuring to you, maybe even a little funny if you weren’t so wrecked at the moment.

“Um. . . Okay,” you started uncertainly,

“Take your time,” he coaxed sincerely. And you did, you told him everything that Dean and Cas did to you in gory detail, leaving nothing out so that he would know just how important it was that Dean didn’t find you.

That neither of them found you.

You had to pause a few times when you felt tears coming to fight them back, and you did your best not to feel while you spoke. Sam on the other hand maintained a stony look on his face, and the only indication you got that he was hearing you was the occasional pained noise coming from the man.

“Then he said that both of our mothers saved me. . . And just, _disappeared_.” you finished the retelling of your nightmarish hours with Castiel and Dean, and there was a heavy moment of silence following your last words.

Sam shifted and cleared his throat looking conflicted about something,

“I would never let anything happen to you, you know that right?” he said slowly like he really wanted you to hear each word, “No one is going to touch you like that again, I won’t let them.” his voice was steady and firm like he was ramping up to something important.

_But. . .? What is he trying to say?_

He shifted again and glanced at the bloody wall momentarily, before opening and closing his mouth a couple times,

“Sam.” you clipped impatiently, “What are you thinking?” you picked at the little fuzz balls on the towel nervously, but didn’t let your voice waver.

“You don’t have to agree to this okay?” he nodded with raised eyebrows,

“What’s the plan Sam.” you said lowly already expecting the worst. He licked his lips and blinked indecisively,

“If Dean already wants to come after you. . . I think -”

“You want to use me as _bait_!” you screeched causing him to jump, “You’re gonna _let_ him find me?” you got to your feet and backed toward the broken door, like his idea would come to life and attack you,

“Just listen,” he stood as well and threw his hands out desperately, “I don’t see a better way to get him , if he wants to get to you he’ll just come right to us!” he was also yelling, but not in anger, more pleading.

You huffed and looked to the floor,

“I don’t - I can’t -”

“You have to trust me.” Sam interrupted you with a soft voice, “I promise nothing will happen to you, but we have to get my brother back. This is the only way.” he was right, but those terrifying black eyes invaded your mind and you gulped heavily.

“I’m scared Sam.” you whispered the most honest words you could think of right then. He was suddenly there, holding you tightly like you would crumble to pieces,

“I know, but do you remember what I said?”

“It’s okay to be scared. . .” you recited, and he joined in, “Just don’t let it control you.”

“For Dean.” he whispered into your hair,

“For Dean,” you agreed and then a thought occurred to you, “What about Castiel?” he pulled back,

“I know how to handle that actually,” you were relieved until you saw the look on his face, “the only way to get rid of the Leviathan before they can escape his vessel is to send them into Purgatory.” you looked at him dumbly,

“Can we _do_ that?” “There is a spell to open the portal, it’s complex though we’ll need Crowley.” he mulled that over.

_Great the King of Hell, just who I wanted to meet right about now._

“What will happen to Cas though?” you asked worriedly, still wrapped loosely in Sam’s arms. He swallowed,

“Let’s cross that bridge when we come to it, I’m not exactly sure .” he admitted, “But if there’s anything Dean and I are good at it’s fixing our mistakes, and bringing people back from the dead.” _My God he’s becoming self aware. . ._

“Okay then,” you nodded, “Let’s fucking do this.” Sam raised a surprised brow at your language, but you ignored him.

It was only you and Sam now and you both needed to fight for the people you loved, fight to pull them back from the darkness.

And you would do it. You would be brave.

You would be strong. And by-God you would fucking fight.

You would fight beside Sam Winchester.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would fight beside Sam Winchester ;)
> 
> Sorry for the wait! Stay tuned to see how Sam's plan spectacularly backfires :) It's gonna be a doozey! Thanks for reading, I will update soon. As always comments and suggestions are welcome!


	5. Mind Games and Failures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Demon!Dean is set to break you. Emotionally and physically. 
> 
> Sam has a plan to get your family back. . . Nothing ever seems to work out perfectly for the Winchesters. 
> 
> You have to be strong for Sam, even if that means a little self sacrificing on your part.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Non-con in this chapter, but ya'll shouldn't be too surprised by now. Emotional abuse trigger! Demon!Dean is a ruthless prick for the majority of this chapter. . .
> 
> Sammy fluff ahead though. You're welcome! Also the reader turns her bad ass on toward the end of the chapter :) Thanks for the reading and support. Hope you enjoy the final chapter on this fic!\
> 
> **Cliffhanger Alert**

Sam never left your side for that whole day.

He cooked for you and held you whenever you sat down basically. Not that you were complaining really. You needed it. . . With everything that had happened, and was _going_ to happen, you decided that being coddled like an infant wasn’t the worst thing in the world.

You sat in the dungeon with him while he set up the ritual for Cas, painting a huge ancient symbol on the wall with blood,

 _“This whole symbol will turn into the portal to Purgatory,”_ he told you, _“the idea is that it will suck all the Leviathan in Cas back where they belong.”_ it sounded like a long shot to you but Sam was the expert here so you just nodded and smiled.

He reinforced the giant devils trap in the center of the room, and drug a chair with restraints to the center of it.

You assumed it was for Dean.

The day went like that, you following Sam around the bunker while he prepared for the execution of his hail Mary play. He even took you to a church with him to get a rather large jar of human blood blessed by a pastor, who didn’t seem at concerned by what he was blessing.

Sam told you that he would inject Dean with enough of the stuff to make him human again. Again you just nodded. What else could you do?

“Okay so you got the plan down right ?” he asked while you shoveled huge helpings of steak and potatoes into your face. _I might never eat again, so might as well eat like a pig._

“Yeah. . .” you nodded while you spoke with a full mouth, “you pretend you're going on a supply run, but come back early to catch Dean when he tries to get to me. . . Because he thinks I’m here alone.” you shiver a little. _I_ will _be home alone though._

That’s the thing, part of this plan wasn't pretend. . . You will actually be on your own until Sam makes it back from his fake run, so you had to pray he had a great sense of timing. Your well-being was banking on it.

As if Sam sensed where your thoughts lie, he placed a big hand on your knee and looked directly into your eyes,

“I know this is scary. . . I know,” he huffed a sigh and wetted his lips fussily, “but beleive me when I say. . . I won’t let anything happen to you. Nothing is going to happen. I swear I will protect you - from everything - I am so sorry for what you’ve been through because of us.”

He shook his head and looked to the floor, his eyes looked shiny.

“God. . God I’m so sorry.” and then he put his head in his hands. You were shocked for a moment, not sure what to do with a crying Winchester on your hands. . . It’s simply never happened in front of you before, and you sure as Hell weren’t expecting it.

Shaking off your surprise, you reached out to gently run your fingers through Sam’s soft hair,

“Hey, no Sam. Don’t you say that to me,” you tried to sound stern and he looked up with tears in his eyes, “I’m not gonna let you take the fall for this one, okay? I - I _love_ you guys. You Dean and Castiel. Even after all that’s happened, because - well because you saved me. All of you saved me from a life that to be honest with you Sam. . . I might have ended otherwise.”

That was the first time you said it aloud and Sam looked just as shocked at the truth as you felt,

“Being kidnapped by two psycho brothers and their Angel was the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and it saved my life. I love you. Let me return the favor. . . It’s you guys who need saving this time.”

With that you pulled his head into your chest and squeezed him tightly, trying to convey your feelings through a hug. When he pulled back you released him and he stood quickly before you could see his face only to lean down and kiss you on the top of your head.

“I’m gonna shower and get ready for bed,” he declared, “you do the same and get some rest for tomorrow.”

“Rodger,” you saluted his back trying to make yourself feel better with humor, “but um. . . Sam?” you felt a little panicky as he departed from the room, and he turned sensing it in your voice.

“Yeah?”

“Can. . . Can I sleep with you tonight?” you were certain that question would freak him out, but to your relief all the man did was smile softly,

“Of course ,” you could practically feel the hug through his big brown eyes, “meet you in my room in ten.”

“Kay.” you said to his back as he walked out of the room, smiling to yourself about the moment you just shared. _When did I get so good at sappy speeches? I didn’t say one dumb thing. I deserve a fucking medal!_ You giggled to yourself, basking in satisfaction.

 

Out of nowhere you felt the atmosphere in the room change. . . Like there was another presence and you went stiff,

“I didn’t peg you for a slut at first, but hey - people will surprise the shit outta ya I guess.” you gasped and flew out of your chair, spinning around to see for yourself what you feared the most,

“Dean.” your voice was about four octaves too high, and that one name held an obvious quiver,

“No shit.” he looked even more terrifying than when you last saw him. Probably due to the fact that there was blood coating his button down, and spattered along his neck and face.

“Oh my God. . .” you brought a shaking hand up to your mouth and started to back away from him,

“No honey. Not _God_.” he smirked evilly and matched your steps as he moved toward you,

“What - what did you do Dean?” you wondered who the unlucky soul was who’d been unfortunate to cross paths with the Demon.

“I think you mean _who_ sweetheart,” he grinned and your breath hitched, “I’ve just been stacking up some bodies to take the edge off, you know so I can take my time with you. . . Not lose control halfway through the portrait, if you catch my drift.” you did, you caught his drift.

He was murdering innocent people to feed the Mark and satiate his bloodlust. That way he could effectively toy with you for as long as he wanted. People were dying because of you.

_Not the most important thing right now, try focusing on the homicidal Demon three feet away and closing._

“I -” you couldn’t even form words. Your mouth was hanging open dumbly, and nothing would come out.

“Seriously though,” your back hit the wall and you shuddered at the chill, Dean only moved closer, “Cas leaves you. . . _I_ don’t fuck you. . . So naturally you move on to my baby brother. I get it, girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do I guess.”

As soon as he was close enough to touch, Dean let his eyes flick to black. You whimpered and immediately looked to the floor, fearing those eyes more than you thought possible.

“Are you going to kill me now?” you quietly whispered to the floor, trying not to shake.

“Oh _honey_. . . I don’t plan on killing you just like that.” he spoke with mock comfort, and drew a hand up to brush your hair back. You flinched embarrassingly hard, and the Demon laughed, “but you had to have figured that out by now, huh?”

“I _had_ to tell Sam,” the way that came out sounded like a plea, and your vision blurred while you kept your eyes trained on the floor, “this isn’t you Dean.” he ignored you and continued his speech,

“No baby, I want to play with you for awhile.” you brought your arms to your chest and tried to curl away from him, “I don’t plan on killing you until you ask me to. Until you _beg_ to die.”

“SA - ” Dean must have sensed your scream, because as soon as you looked up he slammed his hand over your mouth so hard you tasted blood. He bored his black orbs into your wide (e/c) eyes, and you fought the urge to close them so you wouldn’t have to look at him anymore.

“Oh no, none of that.” he wagged a finger in your face, and grinned at the look of sheer terror in your eyes.

Little whimpers were bubbling from your throat and you couldn’t stop them, by the look on his face he was pleased that his game was scaring you so much,

“Can’t have you ruining my fun little girl,” before you had time to register what was going on, Dean shoved his fingers to the apex of your thighs hard enough to make you scream.

He pushed strong circles through your shorts, that had tears streaming down your face in no time. Not from pain, although it wasn’t comfortable at all. From fear.

“Why are you cryin, babe?” he was still smiling widely, "You love this shit you fucking whore.” you unleashed loud terrified sobs into his hand, and reached down to try and push his fingers away from your lower half.

His hand didn’t budge and he pressed his whole body against you to whisper in your ear,

“I’m so much stronger than you ,” you whined a high pitched plea into his palm for him to stop touching you, “oh don’t cry baby,” he whispered with mock gentleness, “I won’t fuck you yet, but when the time comes. . . there won’t be shit you can do to stop me.”

He growled that last part in your ear, and leaned back slightly to run his tongue around his hand and up your cheek, licking your tears away. You wailed brokenly into his hand, trying to jerk away from him.

“Shh, shh,” he planted a soft kiss on your forehead and took both hands away, “I’ll see you soon, kiddo.” and he was gone. You slid down the wall and let yourself cry.

Loudly.

 _Oh God I am so fucked. . . How could I ever think this plan would work? I’m probably going to die. Soon._ Knowing that kind of thinking was exactly what Dean wanted wasn’t helping you calm down at all.

You were terrified of him. Of everything that was going on, and you were expected to put your life into someone’s hands who - let’s be honest - might let you die to save his brother. Sam ran in on cue, freshly showered, to see you hugging yourself and crying into your knees.

“Jesus what happened?” he asked urgently, “I was gone for like five minutes, did you get scared?” Well that would be the understatement of the year.

“De-Dean showed up,” you blubbered tearfully,

“Fuck,” he spat, “what happened?” he took a knee beside you and you could feel his eyes searching for any damage,

“ _Nothing_ , he didn’t do anything.” you wept, “Only came here to scare me, I mean he touched me a little but other than that just threats and promises.” you waved your hand dismissively like you weren’t scared shitless, even though there were still tears running down your cheeks.

_Have to be strong for Sam. He needs it._

“Alright, alright.” Sam seemed to be talking to himself, “okay let’s get you to bed, he won’t come if I’m with you.” you knew Sam was only guessing but you decided to let that thought comfort you instead of dwelling on it too much,

“Okay.” the tall man hoisted you up off the floor, bridal style and glided smoothly down the hallway while he walked. You found yourself already dozing against his hard shoulder, the gentle rocking motion of his steps sort of lulling you to sleep.

Being afraid all the time can really take a lot out of a person.

Vaguely you realized Sam was speaking, but you weren’t really listening to anything he said, you just liked the way his chest rumbled against your cheek with his deep voice. . . It was oddly soothing.

Sam was being so gentle that you felt the soft mattress under your back before you noticed that he was even laying you down.

All at once images from the last time someone set put you on a bed flooded into your mind, and panic began to build in your belly before you had time to register what was happening.

Your eyes flew open suddenly, the huge man stilled immediately, halfway bent over you. _It’s only Sam, it’s only Sam. Safe with Sam. ._ .

“ ?” he murmured carefully, “are you alright?” you swallowed and nodded maybe a touch to frantically,

“Yeah.” it came out in a ridiculous squeak, but Sam took your word for it and straightened with a sigh to shed his flannel shirt.

You watched wide eyed while he stripped down to his boxers and you tried to get yourself to calm down, or at least keep your turmoil inside so you wouldn’t have to sleep alone. When he pulled the covers back further, you skittered to the far side of the mattress, and pressed up against the wall.

Sam froze again, just looking at you laying there while you tried to appear relaxed.

“Are you _sure_ you’re okay?” he finally asked again,

“Yeah I’m - I’m fine Sam. Everything’s alright,” that last part was more for yourself,

“Then why are you still wearing all your clothes?” your heartbeat stuttered for a second as your nervous brain took his words the wrong way at first. However when you lifted the covers and peeked down to see your jean shorts, and sweatshirt still covering your body you realized what he meant,

“Or do you usually sleep in street clothes?”

“Oh.” was all you could think to say. Slowly you peeled away your bulky sweatshirt, revealing your favorite cotton tank top. _I’ll keep this on. ._ With shaking fingers you struggled to unbutton your shorts, feeling the Hunter’s eyes on you the whole time.

Finally you were able to shove them down your legs and toss them to the floor next to him,

“See everything’s fine.” you said as if you weren’t picturing Dean appearing suddenly and tearing your panties from you body.

“I’m only going to ask this one last time, and I need you to be honest with me.” Sam spoke to you like a misbehaving child, “Are you going to be okay sleeping with me? I will happily take the floor.”

“No,” you answered automatically, “no I’m not making you sleep on the floor, I’ll be fine just get in here.” _Do it quick like a bandaid._ Sam nodded and flipped off the light switch before climbing in beside you.

He was so huge that he took up most of the bed, and you really didn’t have any choice but to touch him. However as soon as you did, you felt Sam’s skin, smelled Sam’s smell, and heard Sam’s breath, you relaxed completely.

It was Sam. Totally and completely Sam Winchester.

The man who worried about you, the man who wanted to protect everyone he cared about, the man who loved his brother more than anything in the world.

The man who was dying inside because of all of those things.

Sam was facing you with his eyes shut, but you knew he was the furthest away from sleep. Tentatively you reached out and gently touched a hand to his smooth chest,

“Mmmmm,” he hummed sleepily vibrating your hand with his deep voice,

“Sam?” you whispered,

“Mmmhmm?” he asked without opening his eyes,

“Will um - will you hold me like Cas used to?” Cas’s name broke on your voice and you blinked away the burn of heartbroken tears when you realized that’s exactly what you needed.

Without a word Sam snaked a long muscled arm around your waist and drug you firmly into his chest, like it was second nature to the man. _Well maybe it is. I_ am _the only virgin here after all._

You smiled at yourself and snuggled into him with your arms to your chest, just like you did with Cas. Sam was a lot bigger though and you felt completely enveloped in his protective warmth.

As you snuggled deeper into him, scary thoughts of Dean and Cas and even Jason began to dissolve, making sleep seem heavenly.

“Thank you,” you whispered into his chest, and without giving it much thought you kissed him right where his interesting tattoo lie. His chest rumbled again in contentment and after a moment he bent his head to plant one of his own kisses on the top of yours,

“Always,” he murmured hazily, and you wondered just what that word meant to him then in his sleepy state. With Sam holding you this way, the nightmares were unlikely, so you rested your head on his hard bicep and closed your eyes.

You drifted to sleep comfortably with the sound of Sam’s strong steady heartbeat as a lullaby, and the smell of leather and spice filling your nostrils. Completely forgetting what was in store for you tomorrow.

***

Morning came too soon. . .

You woke with your whole upper half resting on Sam’s chest, he must have rolled to his back sometime during the night.

Your face reddened when you realized how you were tangled with him, it was like your whole body was clinging to a tree or something, because you had your leg thrown in between his and your arm flung over his waist to anchor you to his side.

Sam also still had one arm secured around your waist, holding you to him, bless his heart.

The man was still sleeping soundly which surprised you a little. Usually the Hunter rose with the sun, but he must have been dreading this day as much as you. That thought caused your mood to fall immediately.

_Today is the day. The day that I might not survive. Great._

Shifting slightly, you tried to untangle yourself from Sam without waking him, but as soon as you detached your leg from his he stirred, furrowing his brow a little before opening his eyes.

“Morning,” you murmured cheesily feeling a grin slide across your face. Sam peered down at you resting your chin on his chest and smiled a sort of sad smile for a moment.

“What’s wrong?” you were worried that waking up like this was probably too intimate for him, with you only being 18 and all, so you rolled off of him and slid to the floor quickly.

“Oh you didn’t have to move, I was just,” he paused like he was thinking of the best way to word it. Sam did that a lot you noticed, “the way you woke me up, with your head on my chest and all. . . It reminded me of someone I used to be close with. That’s all.” he finished with another small smile before rolling himself out of bed as well.

Only because you’d always wanted to know more about his past you pushed a little,

“What was her name?” his steps faltered across the room and you watched him take a breath before he simply said,

“Jess.” and that was it. Sam left the room in only his boxers, and you thought about the name, creating a face in your mind that went with it. You repeated the name in a whisper, aloud to no one.

“Jess.”

You decided to let Sam have some space, and you headed across the hall to your room for a shower. It was like your brain was on autopilot, going through the motions of a hot shower, that surprisingly enough you actually enjoyed.

All thoughts and fears regarding the what the day might bring hadn’t caught up yet, so in the moment you were actually very happy. So you took your time, massaging your scalp thoroughly under the hot stream humming some random song that you couldn’t remember the words to.

After a lengthy 20 minutes or so you shut the water off, and stepped out reaching for your towel in the foggy bathroom.

There was so much humid steam that you couldn’t really see much, but you knew that your towel hit your hands well before you made it to the counter where it was supposed to be. Still you clutched it and brought it to your body, trying to squint through the fog.

“You’re welcome sweetheart.” the familiar whiskey rough voice told you through the steam.

Without missing a beat you fled to the bathroom door and flung it open, spinning back around to prepare for an attack, but nothing happened. Dean didn’t come out of the bathroom and the steam was dissipating quickly to reveal an empty room.

 _I did hear him say 'you’re welcome' right? I’m not going crazy. . ._ As if to answer you, your eyes noticed something stuck to big the mirror inside the bathroom, right in the center of it.

“Fuck. . .” you murmured to yourself. _What kind of mind game is this gonna be?_ You moved toward it, actually feeling an unfamiliar coal of anger setting in your belly. He was in the fucking bathroom while you showered?

While you were happy, thinking that you were alone? Feeling safe? He was fucking there.

“Oh _Dean_?” you called sarcastically, “Don’t tell me you left me a fucking love note!” but the closer you got you saw what it was. Your breath caught. _A drawing?_ It was a drawing.

Of Sam and you in bed together.

“Oh my God.” you ripped it from the glass, and stared at it with wide eyes like the longer you looked at it the thing might disappear. But no. Dean had made a portrait of you and his brother sharing a bed and snuggling. . .

Up in the corner of it your eyes caught handwriting.

_**\- Will you hold me like Cas used to?** _

_**\- Always** _

“ _No_.” Dean had been there, watching unseen, when you practically begged Sam to hold you like a toddler who woke up from a nightmare. Your face heated up in humiliation and before you could think about it you tore the thing in half, crumbling it in your palms and throwing it into the toilet.

You slammed the lid and let a frustrated scream rip from your chest.

“I hate you, you son of a bitch!” you screamed, and then instantly regretted it. You didn’t hate Dean, just this Dean. Your Dean would never watch you sleep long enough to sketch a portrait, like in some low budget slasher flick.

“Goddamnit.” you murmured and plopped on the toilet seat to hold your head in your hands. “Goddamnit.”

***

The day passed with loaded glances between you and Sam, any conversation regarding the plan was written down and handed back and forth, with the knowledge that Dean could be out of sight somewhere listening.

Anticipation was rolling in your belly like a coil of barbed wire for the moment Sam would spring the plan into action by leaving you alone. You knew he could see right passed your fake smiles and forced conversation, but you willed yourself to keep acting for the man because it was what he needed.

The time came when you were in the kitchen making yourself dinner. Mac and cheese straight out of the box with little hot dog chunks cut up in it, like you used to beg your mom for when you were little.

 _Talk about a symbolic last meal._ Sam peeked around the corner in the middle of your memories and your stomach dropped when you looked at the clock on the microwave. _**8:30.** _

It was time,

“Hey , I need to make a run to the store real quick.” you watched him act casual without a flaw, “Need anything?” _Alcohol, a gun, a new identity, some Winchester level confidence? The list could really go on and on._

“Nope, I’m good.” you went with that, but added with a serious tone, “hurry back okay?” Sam didn’t even miss a beat and you wondered if he got the message,

“Sure thing, see you in a bit.” _Wow that guy should have taken up acting._ You stared at the door Sam was just at, and listened to his heavy footfalls as he jogged up the stairs and out the door.

You shivered when it slammed behind him, and wondered how long it would take Dean to come for you. _I’m not afraid, I’m not afraid. . . Everything is going to be okay._ You turned back to your Mac and Cheese cooling on the stove,

“Not afraid, not afraid,” you didn’t really notice that you were whispering aloud now, “You’re okay. . . Everything’s fine.” you dropped the cut up hot dogs in the pot and mixed like any other night.

Like a Demon wasn’t about to come and do God-knows-what to you, wearing the face of someone you loved. Dumping the entire pot of cheesy pasta into a huge bowl, you just started shoving it in your face in heaping spoonfuls, taking comfort in the warm familiar taste of your childhood.

An ungodly amount of spoonfuls in, you felt your hairs stand on end with another presence. _He's here._ Setting your spoon down, you slowly turned around with a mouthful of Mac and Cheese.

He wasn’t there. . .

“Jesus , calm the fuck down.” you told yourself, Sam had a plan, he promised you would be okay.

_Just stay calm._

Thinking you were only imagining things, you turned back to your bowl and immediately heard a shrill spine tingling scream echo through the bunker. You froze. _What the Hell was that?_

A moment with your spoon suspended in the air, another wail sounded, this one breaking off in a horrible choked sob. It was female, that much was clear, and it was far away sounding. . .

Like she might be in the hallway of bedrooms or something.

An unexpected rush of anger mixed itself in with your fear, and you burst out of the kitchen on a mission to. . . to. . . _What exactly? Save someone? Yeah right, I can’t even save myself half the time. . ._ Nevertheless you were already running toward the bedrooms with no plan and a lot of adrenaline.

You slowed when you heard quiet crying, happy that you chose to go barefoot because you were moving soundlessly,

“Please, please, _please_ ,” you heard the woman whimpering, it sounded like it was coming from Dean's room, “nonono _NO_!! NO! _STOP_!” the shrieking made you freeze for a moment, and you felt her fear as clear as if it was seeping through the door straight into your body.

You gulped down the bile rising in your throat, and put your ear to the closed door.

It was quiet in his room besides her harsh breathing. You reached for the doorknob with shaking fingers, still unsure what your plan was. All you knew was that someone needed help.

You’d been in that position yourself before.

Just as you grasped the brass knob, it twisted quickly in your hand and the door was jerked wide open,

“Heya sweetheart, you're just in time.” Dean grinned down at you with his normal green eyes and he looked so normal, so inviting that you had the audacity to hope for a second that all of this had been a dream and you were really just meeting him in his room to play poker.

His smile was so genuine that your own began to form on your face, but then his eyes flooded with black, crushing your dreams before they could really take root.

“What? Did you feel a little left out?” he cocked his head at you and you forgot to be afraid for a moment. A moment was all it took to send your fist flying into his evil condescending face though, black eyes be damned!

The hit was impressively strong and it took him by surprise so it send him back a step, and he bent to touch his nose. He had moved just enough that you could see what was in his room, and your stomach rolled at the sight.

A girl was tied spread eagle to Dean's bed with coarse rope snaking around each bed post.

Not a woman. A _girl_.

She couldn’t have been more than fourteen years old. And she was completely naked.

“Oh no, no, no.” you gasped bringing a hand to your mouth. Dean had completely recovered, and before you could stop him he wrapped a hand around your wrist and jerked you close to him,

“Glad you made it in time for the show,” he snarled at you, “get in here bitch.” you were thrown into the room with such force that you fell, but it didn’t faze you much. Your only worry was the girl on the bed.

Scrambling to the bedside, you scanned her for injury and found only minor bruises and a shallow cut on her face. She was staring at you with wide pleading eyes, that tears were endlessly pouring from.

It was a look that must have occupied your own face an uncountable number of times throughout your life. She was terrified, and you knew the feeling well.

“Hey _hey_ it’s alright, you’re okay honey.” you spoke with a wavering voice that was thick with the beginnings of tears, “everything is going to be just fine I -”

“Oh don’t tell her that,” you both flinched at his voice, “why are you lying to our new friend?” he spoke with in a mock scolding tone, you tried to ignore him while he made his way over to the other side of the bed,

“Don’t listen to him, okay?” she was watching him too, beginning to shake violently as he moved closer, “No no, stay calm _please_ stay calm.” you begged feeling tears pool in your own eyes out of fear for her. He had tied the ropes so tightly to her wrists that there was no way they were coming off without a knife, and you didn't have on of those. 

_Where the Hell is Sam? Okay distract him. Distract him until Sam comes back._

“Get away from her Dean!” you yelled, but he barely even glanced at you. He ignored you and leaned over the mattress, with no other purpose than to cause the girl panic. She was attempting to bend her body away from him, and shrunk down into the mattress. When he flashed his teeth at her with that sadistic grin of his, the girl turned her head toward you and squeezed her eyes shut, straining with the ropes to close her legs. Her toes were curling with the fruitless effort. You couldn't imagine what she thought of his black eyes.

The girl spoke for the first time since you arrived,

“Please don’t let him _hurt_ me,” her voice was heartbreaking, and you felt an odd almost motherly need to protect her, even though she was only four years younger than you.

“ _Dean_! Get away from her!” you screamed, but he extended a hand to slowly run it down her stomach, she struggled with the ropes,

“Please no! _Please_!” she cried, whimpering loudly when his hand met her sex. You frantically tried to bat his hands away from her, but he flicked his wrist and you were sent flying into the far wall.

“No, no, no. . .” the girl continued to sob,

“Oh yeah,” Dean spoke to you, “did I forget to mention I came with some upgrades? Pays to know the King of Hell.” you watched paralyzed while he climbed over the top of the young girl, he leaned forward to whisper in her ear,

“You wanna make a deal with me sweetheart?” he spoke to her softly, while absently working his hands over her body to make her panic,

“Yes-yes anything, _anything_. . .” she wept, “ _Please_ don’t hurt me please, I’ll do whatever you want!”

“It was a yes or no question,” he snapped and she pressed her lips into a thin line, “I’ll let you go and strap up  here to take your place.” he said with a grin and your blood froze, “That’s the deal. Her death for your freedom.”

There was about a second of silence and the girl opened her eyes to look at you,

“Okay.” she said, “Okay let me go.” _Well then._

“Not much loyalty in your generation is there ?” Dean chuckled darkly, and withdrew a blade to presumably cut the ropes off.

With no warning he slammed the blade directly into her stomach, burying it to the hilt. Your scream mixed with hers,

“Jesus you got a set a lungs on you,” it didn’t really matter who he was speaking to. Dean left the blade sticking out of the girl, who was still lightly gasping for her last breath, jerking with silent pain every so often.

Your eyes were locked with hers as the light faded from them, you couldn’t even look away as Dean heaved himself off the bed,

“I mighta let her live if she would've let me fuck her,” you looked at him then, he was looking at the now-dead child with regret in his eyes but something told you it wasn’t for the right reason,

“What a waste, I bet she was tight too.” your stomach rolled at his remark, looking at the blood dripping to the floor, and the way the knife was crudely sunken in her abdomen was too much.

All at once you couldn’t keep your mac and cheese down, and you flashed to your hands and knees to empty your stomach in the corner of the room,

“Oh come on you’re being dramatic,” Dean was actually laughing at you while you vomited,

“You killed an innocent little girl!” you choked out between breaths,

“She was willing to let you die for her safety,” he said flatly, “how innocent is _that_?” you said nothing but knew in your heart how wrong the Demon was. _She was just scared. . ._

“I’m gonna kill you, you son of a bitch.” you found yourself growling. Hate was spreading inside of you like wildfire and you needed release.

“Is that right?” he raised his eyebrows and grinned, his eyes still coal black. He plopped down on the mattress beside the dead girl and flicked his eyes back to green, “I thought that your _real_ Dean was in here, did you give up on that theory babydoll?”

You rose up from the floor, remembering what you and Sam would say, _"It’s okay to be afraid"_ ,

“Just don’t let it consume you. . .” you whispered,

“What was that? You gotta speak up,” he leaned his head toward you with a teasing smile on his face, “you know, I bet you’re wondering where Sammy is. . . Why he hasn’t come back to save your ass yet.”

He snickered at your expression and got up from the bed to stalk around you in circles, you turned with him, not wanting to expose your back.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” you lied fearing the worst,

“What did I say about lying?” he tsked you and wagged a finger, “You see I thought it a little strange that Sam would just leave you defenseless with all the stuff I’ve been doing to scare you. . . So I sent Cas out to make sure he doesn’t come home, before I’m done with you.” _Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._

“You’re bluffing. . .” but you knew he wasn’t,

“Why would I lie?” he laughed at you, “Nope you’re on your own, Sammy’s too busy fighting his own battle to rescue the damsel in distress this time.”

You began to back away from him with a plan formulating in your head, you bumped into your bedside table and slid open the drawer, trying to ignore the dead eyes looking at you from the bed.

When your hand closed around the flask of Holy water you kept you almost _screamed_ with relief.

“What are you doing?” he snarled, his eyes darkening to black again.

“Why don’t you come over here and find out big boy?” you challenged while unscrewing the cap behind your back. Dean smirked at your nickname and moved toward you just like you wanted,

“Drink up dickhead!” you exclaimed as you flung a thick stream of Holy water into his face, feeling satisfied at all the sizzling and smoking his skin was doing,

“Fuck!” he roared, and wiped at his face. You took the window he gave and threw yourself at him, wrapping your legs around his waist and beating at his face and neck. Dean growled with rage and you threw your weight to the side in an attempt to take him to the ground.

It didn’t work.

Instead he vaulted forward, crushing you into the ground with his weight and sending the back of his hand vaulting into your cheek.

“ _Ahh_!” you screamed at the sting and your vision went blurry for a moment,

“You want it rough, huh? I can do that. No problem.” he began ripping at your clothes, ignoring your struggles and what you thought were valiant attempts to hit him. He was unfazeable it seemed. And those black eyes wouldn’t go away.

A dry sob racked your body as you tried to push him away from you, but you were losing. _I didn’t know why I thought I could win._ Soon enough you were in only your bra and jeans before Dean, and he gathered up your hands to pin them above your head with one of his own.

“Told you. I told you, you couldn’t stop me.” he rumbled in your face, “You gave it a shot though. Kudos. Seriously, it was a nice try.”

“Get the fuck off!” you snarled through clenched teeth,

“Oh I plan on it baby,” he grinned widely. Recalling your training with Dean in this very position was tough, but he had taught you exactly what to do. . . _Buck up and get a leg under. . . Concentrate on rolling your attacker to one side. . . Okay. Okay._

As soon as he leaned his head down, probably to bite you or something, you bucked your hips hard into his. Once. Twice. The third time, you were just barely able to get one leg bent up between you, and you pushed with everything you had, all while trying to roll yourself to one side.

Miraculously it worked. Just barely, but enough for him to have to break his hold and for you to roll away from him. You wasted no time to get to your feet and run. Sprinting for the dungeon with one thing in mind.

You knew if you got to the devil’s trap, that Dean wouldn’t step inside with you. You would be safe. For a little while anyway. Dean gave you about a five second head start before you heard heavy boots on the floor after you.

Since you were running for your life, it was probably the fastest you’d ever run in all of your 18 years. However you knew that it still wasn’t faster than Dean by a long shot, he would catch up in no time.

In your panic you did something that might have been the most idiotic yet natural thing you could do. You yelled for Castiel,

“CAS!” you screamed, realizing what you did a millisecond after it was done. You had to get to that basement. Dean’s laughter at your idiocy was close behind you, and squeaked in fear at the sound.

You slammed the wooden door and locked it, hoping to buy the time you needed to push the metal shelves out of the way before he got in there with you. The door knob jiggled as you pushed on the shelf wall with your whole body,

“What’s your _plan_ sweetheart?” he called from the other side of the door. The shelf budged enough for you to squeeze through, and you sprinted for the devil’s trap, feeling a hard vibration in your pocket.

 _My phone!_  In the circle, you fished it out and almost sobbed with relief at Sam’s contact picture on the screen. A loud crash from behind the shelf wall told you that Dean had killed the wooden door,

“Sam? Sam?” you cried into the cell phone, “Sa -”

“Hey I’m here, I’m here .” he spoke quickly,

“Oh God you’re okay,” you breathed feeling comfort at just the sound of his voice, you had to remind yourself he couldn’t protect you through the phone,

“Yeah, Cas just zapped out for some reason. . .” he said, “I need you to put me on speaker, quick!” he commanded and you immediately complied just as the metal shelves slammed open, letting Dean in with a sick grin on his face.

“I’m in the dungeon with Dean,” you squeaked fearfully while you watched him move toward you,

“Okay I’m going to recite the spell. Whatever happens, don’t disconnect this call.” Dean’s eyes flashed to the cell phone in your hand,

“Heya Sammy." he sneered and turned his gaze back to you, "I don’t think this is what people mean when they say phone sex, but whatever kinky shit you’re into sweetheart.” You shivered and stepped back even though you were already in the devil’s trap.

Sam ignored his brother and began to chant. As soon as he started Castiel appeared beside Dean. There was tangible electricity in the room,

“Cas!” you yelled feeling an odd sense of relief at the sight of the familiar man. That relief was shot when Dean spoke,

“Get that bitch out of the circle for me Cas, we have some unfinished business.” _Focus on Sam’s voice, don’t let the call end._ You clutched the cell phone to your chest and willingly backed out of the circle, so Castiel wouldn’t come near you.

Dean immediately rounded the paint toward you and you ran from him around the edge of the circle until Castiel appeared in your path,

“Cas listen to me, let Sam finish the ritual.” you pleaded, “He’ll fix _everything_ I -”

“They mean to open the portal to Purgatory.” he spoke levelly to Dean, “ end the call.” Dean’s body heat registered behind you and you lowered your head to scrunch up, protecting the phone with your body.

“No!” Dust flew about the room and your (h/c) hair whipped around as sudden gusts of wind whirled through the dungeon. By the increase in volume in Sam’s voice the chant was coming to a close, but Dean’s hands were on you lifting you off of your feet.

“Let go!” you cried. He was prying your arms apart and as a last ditch attempt to save the phone, you tossed it to the devil’s trap, feeling relieved when it landed square in the middle.

Cas wasted no time in lunging for the cell phone, but Sam’s voice rang powerfully with the last word of the spell,

“Get out of that room !” he screamed prompting you to thrash in Dean’s hold. Dean settled for squeezing you so hard you could practically hear your ribs creaking, but you continued to claw at his arms, desperate to get away.

“Sam I _can’t_!” you wailed, frightened at the electrical build in the dungeon. Castiel snapped his fingers and the phone shattered, leaving you alone in this whirlwind of power with the a Demon and a power crazed Angel.

“Sam!” you screamed to no one, and a lead weight dropped in your belly at the feeling of being totally on your own.

“I can’t zap out, Cas!” Dean called over the roaring of the wind, Castiel only looked at him, but went nowhere himself. Dean shook you roughly, you couldn’t even breath he was squeezing you so hard,

“What the Hell did you do, bitch?” he roared,

“Let me _go_ Dean, please!” your voice was strangled. You were terrified of what might happen to you, a human, caught up in a ritual of this magnitude. The sigil on the wall began to glow a blinding blue, and there was a deafening ringing invading your ears.

You screamed and squeezed your eyes shut, but felt a strong pull in the direction of the glowing symbol.

“Dean!” you screamed again, but he didn’t even answer you. The ringing became so loud you had to cover your ears, and all of a sudden it felt like you were flying, and you were _freezing_.

The air around you seemed to get really cold. You struggled against the pair of arms holding you, but they disappeared and you were spiraling out of control it seemed, without them anchoring you.

All at once the ringing and wind stopped, the bright light was gone leaving only darkness, and you were laying in what felt like soft dirt that was chilly on your bare arms and torso.

A fresh smell hit your nostrils that reminded you of camping, and you were curious enough that you cracked open your eyes to see a dark forest.

You were in a forest at night.

Across the little clearing you were in, you could see a faint light coming from your cell phone and you got to your hands and knees to crawl toward it. _Okay, don’t panic. I’m only in the forest, I can just call Sam. What a strange outcome for the ritual. . ._

Gathering up your cell phone you clicked the button, and felt instant relief when the home screen lit up. However the little icon at the top read **_No Service_** and your face fell.

“That thing is worthless out here,” you froze on your knees at Dean’s voice, and you instantly started to shake. You heard his boots crunch on dry pine needles as he moved toward you, and you flew to your feet in a panic.

“Stay away from me!” you cried and chucked your cell phone at him in the darkness. He grunted when it hit him in the chest,

“What the Hell?” he growled, and his green eyes met yours.

“Don’t come any closer!” you shouted and paled a little as the situation settled in your brain. _I am in the middle of the woods with no service and no weapons. . . I’m fucked._

Dean shifted slightly and his expression was illuminated by the moon, he had his head cocked to the side watching you as your panic built, but he didn’t look amused or angry. No, in fact, his green eyes held something familiar,

“ . . .” his voice was tight, “it’s - it’s _me_. . .” his eyes glistened, and he took another step,

“No! No you’re lying,” your own tears fell, as did your hope. “Stop. . Just please _stop_.” his expression morphed into one of pain as he watched you cower away from him,

“This is real, you need to trust me -”

“I can’t take this Dean,” you sobbed and backed into a tree, “please, I can’t take anymore games. Just - just do whatever you want, I don’t _care_ anymore!” you were trembling with fear and hopelessness.

The spell didn’t work. All it did was teleport you and the Demon to a place that no one could help you.

He swiftly closed the distance to you, and you cowered away from him awaiting pain. When you felt his hands on you, you couldn’t help but whimper in fear.

“Hey hey, it’s okay. . .” he was saying but you only cried harder, “it’s _me_ . The spell worked. It’s me.”

“Please stop. . Please!” you wailed and finally looked up to his eyes, they were still green. And leaking. Dean was crying. That would be an odd thing for a demon to do.

“I’m not gonna hurt you , I know you're scared but it’s _really_ me. It’s Dean.” you stared at him for a few more seconds before whispering,

“Dean?” daring to believe him, he nodded and pulled you into a hug,

“Cas is out here somewhere too - the _real_ Cas. He’ll find us soon I’m sure.” The thought of seeing your Cas again brought warm joy to your soul, but Dean was still acting peculiar and something told you that there was a catch,

“I’m so sorry kid, I’m so sorry for all this. . . I never thought I’d come back here. I can’t believe I’m fucking _back_ here.” you couldn’t bring yourself to trust him yet, but you didn’t really have a choice in the matter so you backburnered it all, and tried to focus on the what he just said.

“Where - where are we?” you asked, he pulled away to look at you. It was too much. You let your mind go blank, attempting to shove all of your emotions into the back of your mind. “Why are we in the woods?” his hands were still on your arms, giving you goosebumps as he scanned the dark trees above your head,

“You’re not gonna like my answer,” he murmured before looking back down at you, feeling a little dizzy you swallowed thickly,

“Where?” you whispered again.

“Purgatory,” he answered turning his gaze back up to the woods, “every soul here is a monster, this is where they come to prey on each other for all eternity.” he said it like someone told him the same thing once.

“Oh.”

And then you passed out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a wise man once said: Balls.
> 
> Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed "The Things We Fear", be ready for another addition to the "Recover Me" series that will follow the reader's adventures through Purgatory and what not :)
> 
> Comments and Suggestions as always! :)


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